IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The tendency of news reports in the media to focus more on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful to the individuals and the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 254 words.

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In recent years, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 a tendency
that
Correct word choice
for
show examples
 social
media
Use synonyms
Fix the infinitive
to pays
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pays
Correct subject-verb agreement
pay
show examples
 attention to negative
incidents
Use synonyms
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 positive
incidents
Use synonyms
 and some
people
Use synonyms
 assert that it is debilitating to the public.
This
Linking Words
 essay strongly agrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement as social
media
Use synonyms
 influences
people
Use synonyms
’s feelings and behavior.
First,
Linking Words
social
media
Use synonyms
news
Use synonyms
 related to bad or sad
incidents
Use synonyms
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 individuals feel negatively. These days, as social platforms
such
Linking Words
 as
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
show examples
 and
tik tok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
 are developed much,
velocity
Add an article
the velocity
show examples
 of spreading information is so fast and makes
possible
Correct pronoun usage
it possible
show examples
 to share information and feelings together anytime in the community. Because humans are
social-being
Correct your spelling
social
show examples
 and
people
Use synonyms
 feel empathy about bad
incidents
Use synonyms
 and
people
Use synonyms
 feel annoyed or sad in a day because of
news
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, when
famous
Add an article
a famous
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 celebrity
of
Change preposition
in
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 South Korea died, the whole society of the nation felt deep depression and
people
Use synonyms
 couldn’t forget about it instantly as
media
Use synonyms
news
Use synonyms
 reported continually.
Second,
Linking Words
some
people
Use synonyms
 mimic crimes and ways of committing suicide by watching
Use synonyms
news
Add an article
the news
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. There are bad
people
Use synonyms
 who mimic the ways of committing
crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
show examples
 as they investigate to come out from the suspect.
In addition
Linking Words
, there are
people
Use synonyms
 who suffer from their distress and want to give up their lives.
For example
Linking Words
, there is a research report which
say
Change the verb form
says
show examples
 when famous celebrity give up
lives
Correct pronoun usage
their lives
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themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the rates of suicide increase in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society and
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is called
Correct article usage
the beretere
show examples
beretere
Correct your spelling
better
 effect.
In addition
Linking Words
, some research showed when
news
Use synonyms
exposed
Add a missing verb
is exposed
show examples
 about crimes frequently the rates of crime increased, too. In conclusion,
tendency
Add an article
the tendency
show examples
 of social
media
Use synonyms
focus
Fix the infinitive
to focus
show examples
 on problems and emergencies can be incapacitating to the public because not only it
makes
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 feel negative feelings but
also
Linking Words
mimic
Correct subject-verb agreement
mimics
show examples
 behaviors.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a basic structure but lacks clear paragraphing and a systematic flow of ideas. It is important to create well-defined paragraphs, each with a single clear main idea topic sentence followed by supporting details.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion need to be more clearly delineated. They should clearly introduce the topic and your opinion in the introduction, and summarise your main points and restate your opinion in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Provide more detailed support for your main points. Use specific examples and develop them fully to illustrate your arguments effectively.
task achievement
Ensure your essay completely addresses all parts of the task. You must present a clear position throughout the response.
task achievement
Strive for clarity and development of ideas. Elaborate on your thoughts and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Incorporate a wider range of relevant examples to support your arguments. This enhances the persuasiveness of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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