You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. The tendency of news reports in the media to focus more on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful to the individuals and the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 254 words.
In recent years, there
is
a tendency Wrong verb form
has been
that
social Correct word choice
for
media
Fix the infinitive
to pays
pays
attention to negative Correct subject-verb agreement
pay
incidents
than
positive Rephrase
rather than
incidents
and some people
assert that it is debilitating to the public. This
essay strongly agrees with this
statement as social media
influences people
’s feelings and behavior.
First,
social media
news
related to bad or sad incidents
make
individuals feel negatively. These days, as social platforms Change the verb form
makes
such
as instagram
and Change the capitalization
Instagram
tik tok
are developed much, Correct your spelling
TikTok
velocity
of spreading information is so fast and makes Add an article
the velocity
possible
to share information and feelings together anytime in the community. Because humans are Correct pronoun usage
it possible
social-being
and Correct your spelling
social
people
feel empathy about bad incidents
and people
feel annoyed or sad in a day because of news
. For instance
, when famous
celebrity Add an article
a famous
of
South Korea died, the whole society of the nation felt deep depression and Change preposition
in
people
couldn’t forget about it instantly as media
news
reported continually.
Second,
some people
mimic crimes and ways of committing suicide by watching news
. There are bad Add an article
the news
people
who mimic the ways of committing crime
as they investigate to come out from the suspect. Add an article
a crime
the crime
In addition
, there are people
who suffer from their distress and want to give up their lives. For example
, there is a research report which say
when famous celebrity give up Change the verb form
says
lives
Correct pronoun usage
their lives
themselves
the rates of suicide increase in Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
society and Correct article usage
apply
this
phenomenon is called Correct article usage
the beretere
beretere
effect. Correct your spelling
better
In addition
, some research showed when news
exposed
about crimes frequently the rates of crime increased, too.
In conclusion, Add a missing verb
is exposed
tendency
of social Add an article
the tendency
media
focus
on problems and emergencies can be incapacitating to the public because not only it Fix the infinitive
to focus
makes
Wrong verb form
make
people
feel negative feelings but also
mimic
behaviors.Correct subject-verb agreement
mimics
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coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a basic structure but lacks clear paragraphing and a systematic flow of ideas. It is important to create well-defined paragraphs, each with a single clear main idea topic sentence followed by supporting details.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion need to be more clearly delineated. They should clearly introduce the topic and your opinion in the introduction, and summarise your main points and restate your opinion in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Provide more detailed support for your main points. Use specific examples and develop them fully to illustrate your arguments effectively.
task achievement
Ensure your essay completely addresses all parts of the task. You must present a clear position throughout the response.
task achievement
Strive for clarity and development of ideas. Elaborate on your thoughts and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Incorporate a wider range of relevant examples to support your arguments. This enhances the persuasiveness of your essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
