Although family has a great influence on children's life, it is influences from ourside the hom that play a bigger part in their development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
As everyone knows, there are two places where
people
can be taught - the familay
and the society. So there is a debate Correct your spelling
family
whether
the influences from outside the home Change preposition
about whether
that
play a more important sector in Correct pronoun usage
apply
children
's development.
In childhood, we are all raised by our familites
and parents, and the phenomenon affects our living habits and three views. There is no doubt that family has a great Correct your spelling
families
influence
on children
's life and affect
the basic part of Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
children
, but I still suppot
the Correct your spelling
support
the
outside has more Remove the redundancy
apply
influence
than the family. First of all, the family is made up of people
who are affected by society. So the influence
of society can never be avoided. As the saying goes, it's never too Correct your spelling
late to
late
lateto leaern
. When Correct your spelling
late to learn
people
finish their school life, they have to adapt to the outside and learn different from things taught by the
family. Change the word
their
Comparing
with the family, the outside has more opportunities and time to change and teach Wrong verb form
Compared
people
. For example
, schools are the most vital places for children
to learn. The family allows or push
Correct subject-verb agreement
pushes
children
to school and learn knowledge. What's more, the outside take
up most time of everyone's life. Change the verb form
takes
As a result
, the outside is more impressive than the family.
In conclusion, the outside influence
Fix the agreement mistake
influences
children
more deeply. The influence
of outside
cannot be avoided and the environment which Correct article usage
the outside
children
in
is formed by the outside. Add a missing verb
are in
However
, the influence
of the family also
cannot be ignored. We need the
help from the outside and family to raise excellent Correct article usage
apply
children
.Submitted by sunnylyu0165 on
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task achievement
Your essay partially responds to the task requirements, but it is important to fully address the prompt by directly answering the question about your level of agreement or disagreement with the statement provided. Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, aim to provide a balanced argument if you choose to acknowledge both sides before stating where you stand.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of your essay could be improved. Organize your ideas more clearly by having one main idea per paragraph and use cohesive devices, such as transition words, to guide the reader through your arguments. Remember that paragraphs should also follow a logical order that builds upon each previous point.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion need to be more clearly defined. The introduction should include a thesis statement that outlines the central points of your essay. Similarly, the conclusion should summarize your key points and restate your position without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Your main points need additional support. Whenever you make a claim, back it up with evidence or examples. In the IELTS essay, concrete examples and thorough explanations strengthen your argument and demonstrate critical thinking. Try to include specific details instead of general statements.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite