Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positve or a negative development?
Nowadays, society believes that many
children
have spent most of their time
in a day using phones, whether it is smartphones or androids. This
phenomenon happens probably because of the lack of parents
invigilation and less of outdoor activities provided by the school. Personally, I think Replace the word
parental
this
issue brings more negative development than positive ones dealing with children
's character building and health problems.
First and foremost, most youngsters spend a great deal time
of playing with smartphones because parents
give little to them. These parents
probably spent their days working hard to earn money and forgot to nurture their children
. Take as an example, many parents
who work in urban areas will leave their children
without invigilation at home and free them to access the internet. This
then
leads the children
to access Netflix for finding interesting movies, or even worst leads them t access porn movies. another reason can be there is little
extracurriculars provided by the learning institution which let Verb problem
are
children
have more interaction with their friends. When the time
comes to go back home, these children
will be confused about what activities they shall do at home. while
they are still underage and have no permission from their parents
to go outside. this
problem will lead these youngsters to make agreements with their friends to spend their time
playing mobile games such
as Free Fire, PUBG, mobile legends, and so on. Consequently
, they will spend the entire day playing games and communicating with friends through mobiles.
In my opinion, this
issue leads to negative improvement in children
's growth especially in their character development. If this
phenomenon continuously happens, it may cause the children
will grow to become an introvert. They will find it convenient to socialise through mobiles and avoid having interactions with other people. This
problem will also
cause a few dangerous diseases suffered by children
such
as early stroke because of radiation resulting from phone usage.
To sum up
, I believe that youngsters should not spend days only interacting through smartphones, neither playing games, watching movies or other activities. If this
activity continues to happen, then
it will have a negative impact on children
's growth and their health issue
.Fix the agreement mistake
issues
Submitted by e.warikar on
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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs and a conclusion, but it lacks a varied sentence structure and appropriate paragraphing, which impacts negatively on coherence. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and the supporting sentences are well-developed and clearly connected to the main idea.
Task Achievement
While you have addressed the topic, the arguments presented are not fully extended or well supported by specific examples. Your task response would benefit from a more in-depth exploration of the ideas, with clearer examples and explanations to illustrate the arguments. Consider expanding on the reasons why children spend hours on their smartphones, and explore both the positive and negative ramifications more thoroughly to provide a balanced view.
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