IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think it would be a good idea for schools to teach every young person how to be a good parent. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Describe the skills a person needs to be a good father.

#people #idea #schools #person #parent #skills #father
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no denying the fact that parenting is a significant skill.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that schools should teach students how to be good parents, there is
also
 an argument about the skills a person needs to be a good
father
. In my opinion, I consider that young people have to know how to be good parents to their
children
.
To begin
 with, a good
father
 needs to be patient .
In other words
, patience is a significant skill, and all fathers need to have it, since they are dealing with kids,
children
 are messy and, playful so it might be hard
it
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 the beginning to be patient but , soon after it is going to be easier.
In addition
, the
father
 has to be trustworthy.
For example
, some fathers can create problems and fears for their
children
 just to keep them safe from the outside world and, after a
while
 that can break down the trust between the son and the
father
 when the son knows that his own
father
 created delusions just to keep them safe but with the wrong way. Another point to consider, a lovely and loving husband equals a good
father
. It is
also
 possible to say that when the
father
 shows love to the mother that can create a warm and trust among the family members.
Moreover
, honesty.
For instance
, some fathers hide some secrets from their
children
, and that would cause misunderstanding between them so honesty is the solution. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that young people should learn about parenting to be ready for the future.
Submitted by alaa5942005 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on making your paragraphs flow more naturally. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to connect your ideas seamlessly. This will help the essay read more smoothly.
task achievement
For task achievement, ensure that all parts of the prompt are adequately addressed. Discuss both elements: whether schools should teach parenting skills and what makes a good father, providing detailed examples for each point.
task achievement
To better support your points, provide more specific examples. This will make your arguments more compelling and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion is clear and summarizes your main points, which helps strengthen the overall argument.
task achievement
The essay covers multiple aspects of being a good father, such as patience, trustworthiness, and love, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: