IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people like to eat unhealthy food even though they know it's bad for themselves. Why? What effective ways can improve people's healthy eating habits?

#people #food #habits
In the contemporary era, it is generally accepted the fact that eating unhealthy
food
 could be detrimental to their body.
However
, the root causes can be multifaced, but there are
also
 some manners to change t these habits.
This
 essay will explore a reason and present a possible solution. In
this
 fast-paced society, eating habits have changed a lot these years. What is obvious is that
people
 gradually have some microwaved
food
 as their lunch and dinner.
Although
 it is widely agreed that
this
 kind of fast
food
 could cause harmful effects on the human body,
people
 still choose
this
 to become their main diet. One of the most significant reasons is that the tempo of
this
 society become faster than ever,
while
 microwaved
food
 provides a relatively time-saving method of cooking.
As a consequence
, compared to unhealthy,
people
 tend to put more emphasis on time consumption.
On the other hand
, there are potential solutions as well.
For example
,
food
 companies can change the content of fast
food
. It is undeniable that some ingredients will lose their nutrition after being heated in the microwave. By substituting some
food
 inside the set, the products would retain their nutrient value even being second cooked.
This
 means can prevent microwaved
food
 from seriously unhealthy. In conclusion, it is evident that the pace of nowadays society is a major cause of
people
's diets becoming unhealthy, so it is essential for
food
 producers to make a difference.
Submitted by seanlin12345 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are both fully developed and restate the main ideas of your essay. Your conclusion was underdeveloped and did not effectively summarize the main points discussed.
Development & Support
The main points need to be more developed with relevant examples and explanations to strengthen the argument. The provided solution needs a more detailed explanation and examples on how it could be implemented.
Coherence
Your essay lacks a variety of complex structures. To improve, consider using a range of sentence structures, including complex sentences, and pay attention to punctuation usage.
Cohesion
Work on the use of cohesive devices. Include linking words or phrases to help connect ideas more smoothly and make clear distinctions between each paragraph and idea.
Task Response
You need to fully address all parts of the task. This includes discussing reasons why people eat unhealthy food and providing specific solutions to improve healthy eating habits with clear examples to fully satisfy the task requirements.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: