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Band 4.5

In many countries, more people than ever before drive private cars. Do you think the advantage of this development outweigh the disadvantage?

#countries #people #drive #cars #advantage #development
In the current
decade
Add a comma
decade,
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 the volume of people who use personal vehicles is
Change preposition
at all
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all time
Add a hyphen
all-time
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 high.
This
 happens largely
due to
 the ever-increasing pace of our everyday lives. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I would like to compare
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
 and cons of
this
 phenomenon. For many people everyday commute to work via
car
 is the only feasible option.
This
 is largely
due to
 poor public transport infrastructure even in many developed countries. The
situation
Add a verb
situation is
situation was
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 even more unappealing for the individuals who live in rural areas where no other option is present. The benefits of owning a
car
also
 include freedom of travel and independence from schedules and fixed routes that public transport
require
Change the verb form
requires
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. One other
raising
Correct your spelling
rising
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 trend which I personally prefer is
car
 sharing. It provides the convenience of having a
car
 with no trouble
of
Change preposition
apply
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maintaining it The possible drawbacks include heavy traffic jams and
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
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 from exhaust pipes.
This
 creates
the
Correct article usage
a
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 variety of problems for city residents and has
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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environment
Replace the word
environmental
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 impact. But not all problems are unsolvable.
For example
, the popular trend of replacing conventional
cars
 with
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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electric versions has to improve the ecological disadvantages. And
traffic
Capitalize word
Traffic
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 jams may
also
 be fixed in the future when the
car
 companies develop and present driverless
cars
Fix the agreement mistake
car
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 technology where the
cars
gets
Change the verb form
get
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 to be summoned on demand and communicate
to
Change preposition
with
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 one another as one fleet. In conclusion, I think the advantage of
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
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 trend for
population
Add an article
the population
a population
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 to drive personal
cars
 in terms of convenient commute to work, personal freedom and independence trumps the negatives,
such
 as heavy traffic and pollution from ignition
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
.
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introduction and conclusion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clear and directly address the question. Your conclusion is a rephrasing of your introduction, but it should also summarize the key points made throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of connecting words and phrases to ensure smooth progression of ideas. While you have attempted to organize the essay, there are areas where the essay could benefit from more effective transition phrases to strengthen the logical flow of information.
relevant examples
While you have touched on some relevant points, you need to develop them with more specific examples and explanations. Reference real-world examples or data where possible to substantiate your arguments.
paragraph development
Ensure that each paragraph presents a clear main idea and that the ideas within the paragraph are coherently developed and concluded before moving on to the next paragraph.
direct response
Your essay must directly respond to the question asked. Give equal consideration to both the advantages and disadvantages of the statement and aim to reach a conclusion that is balanced and supported by the arguments presented in your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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