Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some people argued that
high
skilled Replace the word
highly
workers
should be worked the
Change preposition
in the
country
where they trained, while
others believed that they should be given freedom
to choose where they need to Add an article
the freedom
work
. In my opinion
they should be free to Add a comma
opinion,
work
, wherever they want in order to achieve full
potential of their Add an article
the full
works
.
Requiring educated people Fix the agreement mistake
work
need
to provide a service for Verb problem
apply
country
where they got trained must Add an article
a country
the country
be
prevent brain drain. If they have Unnecessary verb
apply
been
migrated to another Unnecessary verb
apply
country
on
job Change preposition
for
purpose
, it would have impacted Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
to
the government negatively as they can not run the Change preposition
apply
country
. Hence
government
should be Correct article usage
the government
get on
to refrain Verb problem
able
this
Change preposition
from this
situationfrom
Correct your spelling
situation from
establish
rules for minimum working years after their training. But through these policies, Wrong verb form
establishing
further
Correct word choice
apply
workers
discourage
Wrong verb form
are discouraged
to
Change preposition
from working
work
by
their full potential and it leads to less creativity and productivity.
On the other side of Change preposition
at
argument
said thatCorrect article usage
the argument
,
highly trained people should Remove the comma
apply
be tend
to wherever they Change the verb form
be tended
be tending
work
as their choice. They must be owned to do anything on
their career development, because Change preposition
in
of
they Change preposition
apply
belonged
skills through sacrifice their desires, dedication, and commitment. If they had gone to another Wrong verb form
have gained
country
for job
, they would have achieved high career Add an article
a job
the job
increase
and high salary wages. Fix the agreement mistake
increases
Also
it leads to them Add a comma
Also,
to
generate creative ideas and innovations and Fix the infinitive
apply
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
underpin
to Change the verb form
underpins
companys’
growth and Correct your spelling
companies’
Correct article usage
the worlds’
worlds’
new revolution. Change noun form
world’s
For example
, if engineers who trained in a developing country
want to work
with the worlds’
latest technology, their best choice is to go to the USA and Change noun form
world’s
work
with tech giants like Apple and Amazon. I agree with this
argument,
because fulfilled Remove the comma
apply
workers
are more likely to reach their full potential.
To conclude
, while
mandating professional skilled Correct word choice
apply
workers
to work
in the country
where they educated
, Add a missing verb
are educated
it
can Correct pronoun usage
apply
leads
to Change the verb form
lead
loss
of Correct article usage
a loss
talents
. I believe it is best to grant them to Fix the agreement mistake
talent
work
wherever they want, it make
Change the verb form
makes
workers
to
Change the verb form
apply
work
with full
potential and achieve their dreams.Correct pronoun usage
their full
Submitted by lakshanichathuri896 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay does not adhere to a clear logical structure throughout, leading to confusion at times regarding the progression of ideas. It is important to establish clear connections between sentences and to ensure paragraphing is coherent and purposeful. Each paragraph should contain one main idea that is fully developed and linked to other ideas in a meaningful way.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but do not strongly bookend the essay. Both the introduction and conclusion should be more distinct and articulate in summarizing the overarching argument and related points being made. Consider revising them to better encapsulate the essence of both perspectives and your own viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Main points are indicated but lack sufficient support, which results in a lack of persuasive power. The development of arguments should be enhanced with more comprehensive explanations, illustrations or examples. This will add depth to the discussion and allow for a more thorough exploration of the topic.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task but fails to provide a complete response. It is essential to carefully address all parts of the task to ensure the response is complete, including discussing both views thoroughly and providing your own opinion with clear justification.
task achievement
Although the essay presents ideas, it does not do so clearly and comprehensively. Ideas should be expressed in a way that their relevance and significance are immediately apparent to the reader. Improving clarity will likely involve revising sentence structure and choice of vocabulary.
task achievement
Relevant examples are included but are not specific or persuasive enough to substantiate the arguments fully. To enhance the essay, incorporate more detailed and concrete examples that clearly support your claims, adding weight and clarity to your arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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