Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some people argued that
high
Replace the word
highly
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skilled
workers
Use synonyms
should be worked
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
country
Use synonyms
where they trained,
while
Linking Words
others believed that they should be given
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
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to choose where they need to
work
Use synonyms
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
they should be free to
work
Use synonyms
, wherever they want in order to achieve
full
Add an article
the full
show examples
potential of their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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. Requiring educated people
need
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to provide a service for
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
a country
the country
show examples
where they got trained must
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
prevent brain drain. If they have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
migrated to another
country
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on
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for
show examples
job
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
, it would have impacted
to
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apply
show examples
the government negatively as they can not run the
country
Use synonyms
.
Hence
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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should be
get on
Verb problem
able
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to refrain
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
from this
show examples
situationfrom
Correct your spelling
situation from
establish
Wrong verb form
establishing
show examples
rules for minimum working years after their training. But through these policies,
Linking Words
further
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
workers
Use synonyms
discourage
Wrong verb form
are discouraged
show examples
to
Change preposition
from working
show examples
work
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
at
show examples
their full potential and it leads to less creativity and productivity. On the other side of
argument
Correct article usage
the argument
show examples
said that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
highly trained people should
be tend
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be tended
be tending
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to wherever they
work
Use synonyms
as their choice. They must be owned to do anything
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
their career development, because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they
belonged
Wrong verb form
have gained
show examples
skills through sacrifice their desires, dedication, and commitment. If they had gone to another
country
Use synonyms
for
job
Add an article
a job
the job
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, they would have achieved high career
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
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and high salary wages.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
it leads to them
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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generate creative ideas and innovations and
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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underpin
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underpins
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to
companys’
Correct your spelling
companies’
growth and
Correct article usage
the worlds’
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worlds’
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world’s
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new revolution.
For example
Linking Words
, if engineers who trained in a developing
country
Use synonyms
want to
work
Use synonyms
with the
worlds’
Change noun form
world’s
show examples
latest technology, their best choice is to go to the USA and
work
Use synonyms
with tech giants like Apple and Amazon. I agree with
this
Linking Words
argument
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because fulfilled
workers
Use synonyms
are more likely to reach their full potential.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
mandating professional skilled
workers
Use synonyms
to
work
Use synonyms
in the
country
Use synonyms
where they
educated
Add a missing verb
are educated
show examples
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
to
loss
Correct article usage
a loss
show examples
of
talents
Fix the agreement mistake
talent
show examples
. I believe it is best to grant them to
work
Use synonyms
wherever they want, it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
workers
Use synonyms
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
with
full
Correct pronoun usage
their full
show examples
potential and achieve their dreams.
Submitted by lakshanichathuri896 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay does not adhere to a clear logical structure throughout, leading to confusion at times regarding the progression of ideas. It is important to establish clear connections between sentences and to ensure paragraphing is coherent and purposeful. Each paragraph should contain one main idea that is fully developed and linked to other ideas in a meaningful way.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but do not strongly bookend the essay. Both the introduction and conclusion should be more distinct and articulate in summarizing the overarching argument and related points being made. Consider revising them to better encapsulate the essence of both perspectives and your own viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Main points are indicated but lack sufficient support, which results in a lack of persuasive power. The development of arguments should be enhanced with more comprehensive explanations, illustrations or examples. This will add depth to the discussion and allow for a more thorough exploration of the topic.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task but fails to provide a complete response. It is essential to carefully address all parts of the task to ensure the response is complete, including discussing both views thoroughly and providing your own opinion with clear justification.
task achievement
Although the essay presents ideas, it does not do so clearly and comprehensively. Ideas should be expressed in a way that their relevance and significance are immediately apparent to the reader. Improving clarity will likely involve revising sentence structure and choice of vocabulary.
task achievement
Relevant examples are included but are not specific or persuasive enough to substantiate the arguments fully. To enhance the essay, incorporate more detailed and concrete examples that clearly support your claims, adding weight and clarity to your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
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