IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Although many people value their public parks, this space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever growing population or to develop business and boost economies. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

#people #value #parks #space #purposes #areas #population #business #economies
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While
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 many people recognize the importance of having access to public
parks
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, others argue that
this
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 space could better serve communities by developing housing or businesses there.
Although
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 it is undeniable that
such
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 properties would create jobs and boost the local economy, I would argue that the green space in
cities
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 serves an equally important purpose in local people’s lives and that
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
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parks
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 can be maintained
while
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also
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 being used to generate revenue for
cities
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. First of all, access to green space is essential for human happiness, and
this
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 is especially important in crowded
cities
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.
Parks
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 offer people an escape from crowds and traffic which is beneficial to individuals’ health
as well as
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 to the well-being of a
community
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. One could argue that having a collectively healthier and happier society would increase productivity in all facets of commerce and even reduce some types of crime.
In addition
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 to providing a place for people to relax, local
parks
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 can be used to generate revenue in several ways.
Cities
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 can use their
parks
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 to sponsor events
such
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 as art fairs and music festivals and allow local shops and restaurants to sell their goods during the events.
This
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 would directly benefit local businesses
as well as
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 bring the
community
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 together. City governments could
also
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 establish
community
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 gardens in their
parks
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 and rent individual plots to local residents. A project
such
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 as
this
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 would benefit the city economically
while
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 providing a
community
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 garden to source a farmers’ market in the park. In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the argument that city
parks
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 would be better used as housing or commercial zones. My belief is that
parks
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 play an important role in human happiness and can
also
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 be used to boost local economies
while
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 creating a sense of
community
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.
Submitted by phuongdong.nguyentran on

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introduction conclusion present
Make sure your introduction clearly addresses the question and outlines your stance, which you did appropriately in this essay.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure your conclusion effectively summarizes your main arguments and reiterates your position, as you have done in this essay.
logical structure
Your essay contains a clear logical structure which is evident in the cohesive way in which you progress from one argument to the next.
supported main points
You did well to introduce each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, but strive to develop your main points further with more precise examples and analysis.
relevant specific examples
While you provided relevant examples, you could enhance your score by including more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your response to the task is quite comprehensive and you present a clear argument throughout the essay; however, to reach a higher band, work on expanding the depth and clarity of your ideas.
complete response
For task achievement, ensure that you fully address all parts of the prompt, providing a balanced treatment of the topic, and perhaps considering counter-arguments to strengthen your position.
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