Some people think that the best way to stay fit is by joining a gym, while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is sufficient. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Undoubtedly, in
this
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modern era, everyone
want
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wants
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to become mentally and physically fit by joining
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gym
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a gym
the gym
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or doing other
activities
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.
However
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, some people believe that
best
Correct article usage
the best
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way to maintain fitness is by joining a
gym
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,
whereas
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others
deemed
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deem
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that regular
activities
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such
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as walking or climbing stairs
is
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are
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more beneficial. In the upcoming
paragraphs
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paragraphs,
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I will hash out both aspects and give
logical
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a logical
the logical
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conclusion. On the one hand, several factors are associated with it, but the main benefits of joining
Use synonyms
gym
Add an article
a gym
the gym
show examples
is
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are
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professional guidance and
structured
Correct article usage
a structured
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workout. To illustrate, nowadays individuals are suffering from obesity, with
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this
Add a comma
this,
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they prefer to join
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gym
Add an article
a gym
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where they can get guidance from professional
gym
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trainers
such
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as they can make
diet
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a diet
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plan
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plans
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for others
as well as
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they suggest them
sort
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sorts
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of exercises to
loss
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lose
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their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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weight and they
also
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help the masses in their workout because they will become the member of
Use synonyms
gym
Add an article
a gym
the gym
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.
Aprat
Correct your spelling
Apart
from
this
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, individuals get motivation from others to do
exercise
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.
For instance
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, a survey was conducted which concluded that nearly 90 per cent of people join
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gym
Correct article usage
a gym
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yearly to maintain their body in a particular shape.
On the other hand
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, there are a number of advantages to
do
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doing
show examples
regular
activities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
as walking or climbing stairs.
The first
Correct article usage
First
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and foremost, if folks do everyday
exercise
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they can get
psychological
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the psychological
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benefits
of
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from
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outdoor
activities
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. To explain, they can get
high
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a high
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amount of fresh oxygen and air which
further
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boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
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their energy level as well they will not suffer from any health issues.
Moreover
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, it is
also
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a convenient method to
to
Remove the redundancy
apply
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exercise
Use synonyms
.
Thus
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, not only it is convenient, but
also
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it is
cost effective
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cost-effective
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method because
it
Correct your spelling
if
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people join
Use synonyms
gym
Add an article
a gym
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they have to pay membership
cost
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costs
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and travelling
cost
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costs
show examples
.
While
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, if they do everyday
exercise
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they can save their money from
Use synonyms
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
.
To conclude
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,
although
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both
helps
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help
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to improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human health and play a crucial role in our life,
yet
Correct word choice
apply
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I believe that having a balance between both is
very
Rephrase
apply
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essential to maintain in our life.
Submitted by svmaibcamaibs on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical sequencing of ideas and that paragraphs flow smoothly from one to the next. Be wary of abrupt sentence subjects or ideas that may disrupt the flow.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened. Ensure the introduction clearly states the topic and your stance, while the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your opinion.
coherence cohesion
You have supported your main points but make sure to develop them fully. Each paragraph should clearly state the main point, be followed by an explanation, and then supported by specific examples or evidence.
task achievement
Although you have addressed the task, you should aim to present a more complete response. Develop your arguments more fully and clearly state how each point relates to the question.
task achievement
Ideas are present but could be articulated more clearly and comprehensively. Clarify your points and expand on them to ensure the reader has a complete understanding of your arguments.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to substantiate your arguments. Avoid generalized or vague references and instead use concrete examples that directly support your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Structured workouts
  • Professional guidance
  • Variety of equipment
  • Tailored fitness programs
  • Motivation
  • Convenient
  • Cost-effective
  • Natural integration
  • Comprehensive workout
  • Measure progress
  • Self-motivation
  • Sustainable
  • Fitness habits
  • General well-being
  • Psychological benefits
  • Intimidation
  • Time commitment
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