IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the best way to stay fit is by joining a gym, while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is sufficient. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Undoubtedly, in
this
Linking Words
 modern era, everyone
want
Change the verb form
wants
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 to become mentally and physically fit by joining
Use synonyms
gym
Add an article
a gym
the gym
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 or doing other
activities
Use synonyms
.
However
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, some people believe that
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 way to maintain fitness is by joining a
gym
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 others
deemed
Wrong verb form
deem
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 that regular
activities
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such
Linking Words
 as walking or climbing stairs
is
Change the verb form
are
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 more beneficial. In the upcoming
paragraphs
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paragraphs,
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 I will hash out both aspects and give
logical
Add an article
a logical
the logical
show examples
 conclusion. On the one hand, several factors are associated with it, but the main benefits of joining
Use synonyms
gym
Add an article
a gym
the gym
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 professional guidance and
structured
Correct article usage
a structured
show examples
 workout. To illustrate, nowadays individuals are suffering from obesity, with
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
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 they prefer to join
Use synonyms
gym
Add an article
a gym
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 where they can get guidance from professional
gym
Use synonyms
 trainers
such
Linking Words
 as they can make
diet
Add an article
a diet
show examples
plan
Fix the agreement mistake
plans
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 for others
as well as
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 they suggest them
sort
Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
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 of exercises to
loss
Replace the word
lose
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their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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weight and they
also
Linking Words
 help the masses in their workout because they will become the member of
Use synonyms
gym
Add an article
a gym
the gym
show examples
.
Aprat
Correct your spelling
Apart
 from
this
Linking Words
, individuals get motivation from others to do
exercise
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.
For instance
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, a survey was conducted which concluded that nearly 90 per cent of people join
Use synonyms
gym
Correct article usage
a gym
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 yearly to maintain their body in a particular shape.
On the other hand
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, there are a number of advantages to
do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
 regular
activities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as walking or climbing stairs.
The first
Correct article usage
First
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 and foremost, if folks do everyday
exercise
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 they can get
psychological
Correct article usage
the psychological
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 benefits
of
Change preposition
from
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 outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
. To explain, they can get
high
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a high
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 amount of fresh oxygen and air which
further
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boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
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 their energy level as well they will not suffer from any health issues.
Moreover
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, it is
also
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 a convenient method to
to
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
.
Thus
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, not only it is convenient, but
also
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 it is
cost effective
Add a hyphen
cost-effective
show examples
 method because
it
Correct your spelling
if
show examples
 people join
Use synonyms
gym
Add an article
a gym
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 they have to pay membership
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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 and travelling
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
.
While
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, if they do everyday
exercise
Use synonyms
 they can save their money from
Use synonyms
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
.
To conclude
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,
although
Linking Words
 both
helps
Change the verb form
help
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 to improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human health and play a crucial role in our life,
yet
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I believe that having a balance between both is
very
Rephrase
apply
show examples
essential to maintain in our life.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical sequencing of ideas and that paragraphs flow smoothly from one to the next. Be wary of abrupt sentence subjects or ideas that may disrupt the flow.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened. Ensure the introduction clearly states the topic and your stance, while the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates your opinion.
coherence cohesion
You have supported your main points but make sure to develop them fully. Each paragraph should clearly state the main point, be followed by an explanation, and then supported by specific examples or evidence.
task achievement
Although you have addressed the task, you should aim to present a more complete response. Develop your arguments more fully and clearly state how each point relates to the question.
task achievement
Ideas are present but could be articulated more clearly and comprehensively. Clarify your points and expand on them to ensure the reader has a complete understanding of your arguments.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to substantiate your arguments. Avoid generalized or vague references and instead use concrete examples that directly support your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Structured workouts
  • Professional guidance
  • Variety of equipment
  • Tailored fitness programs
  • Motivation
  • Convenient
  • Cost-effective
  • Natural integration
  • Comprehensive workout
  • Measure progress
  • Self-motivation
  • Sustainable
  • Fitness habits
  • General well-being
  • Psychological benefits
  • Intimidation
  • Time commitment
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