IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals in eight groups. Describe the information shown to a university or college lecturer. Write at least 150

The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals in eight groups. Describe the information shown to a university or college lecturer. Write at least 150
The bar chart illustrates
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 average number of working
hours
Use synonyms
 in a
week
Use synonyms
 divided by eight groups of jobs,
while
Linking Words
 the pie chart depicts the
stress
Use synonyms
 level between the professionals.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 entrepreneur has the highest number of working
hours
Use synonyms
 in a
week
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
lecturers
Use synonyms
 have the least.
However
Linking Words
, in terms of
stress
Use synonyms
 level,
lecturers
Use synonyms
 are the most who have experienced
stress
Use synonyms
 in their job,
while
Linking Words
 programmers have merely tension. In terms of working time, businessmen spend almost 75
hours
Use synonyms
 in a
week
Use synonyms
, followed by movie producers with just over 50
hours
Use synonyms
 and doctors has approximately 50
hours
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, authors consume more than 25
hours
Use synonyms
 which is higher than software engineers, lawyers, and Chefs.
Lecturers
Use synonyms
, at the least, accounted for under 25
hours
Use synonyms
 of work in a
week
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
lecturers
Use synonyms
 are experiencing more
stress
Use synonyms
 in their employment (25%) even though their working
hours
Use synonyms
 are small compared to other occupations.
Next,
Linking Words
movie producers
in
Add a missing verb
are in
show examples
 the second position with 25%, followed by doctors, executives, and chefs with 15%, 11%, and 10%, respectively.
However
Linking Words
, lawyers and writers have the same rates, and programmers have only 5%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, week, stress, lecturers with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • analogy
  • correlation
  • data-driven
  • discernible trends
  • discrepancy
  • empirical evidence
  • fluctuations
  • longitudinal study
  • meticulously
  • percentile
  • predominantly
  • quantitative analysis
  • spectrum
  • statistical significance
  • threshold
  • variances
What to do next:
Look at other essays: