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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different kinds of digital between 2000 and 2006games

The chart shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different kinds of digital between 2000 and 2006games
The bar chart illustrates the different kinds of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
digital
games
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as mobile
games
Use synonyms
, online
games
Use synonyms
, console
games
Use synonyms
 and handheld
games
Use synonyms
 in world
sales
Use synonyms
 from 2000 to 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
 from
the
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 perspective, the handheld
games
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the highest
sales
Use synonyms
 in all periods and mobile
games
Use synonyms
 and online
games
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 not sold in the first two periods.
Linking Words
According to the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 bar chart shows that in 2000 online and mobile game was not placed but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
console
games
Use synonyms
 sold around 5
Use synonyms
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
while
Linking Words
 handheld
games
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
sold
show examples
 around 11
Use synonyms
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
. From 2000 to 2006, the hanheld
games
Use synonyms
 had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant
rose
Replace the word
rise
show examples
Use synonyms
sales
Change preposition
in sales
show examples
 from around 5
Use synonyms
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
 to 18
Use synonyms
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
 respectively. In 2002, mobile
games
Use synonyms
 and online
games
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 around 2
Use synonyms
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
but
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
last
Linking Words
 period these
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 around 7 and 9 billion respectively. The console
games
Use synonyms
 sold was 6 billion in 2000,
in contrast
Linking Words
, in 2006
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
game
sales
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased by 3 billion.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words games, sales, billions with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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