IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Most people believe that stricter punishments should be given for traffic offenses. To what extent do you agree?

Traffic
Use synonyms
 crime has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased over the
last
Linking Words
 two or three decades
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around the world. Most claim that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hard
punishments
Use synonyms
 should
provide
Wrong verb form
be provided
show examples
 for
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not adhere
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
rules
Use synonyms
 and regulations. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and
this
Linking Words
 essay
discuss
Change the verb form
discusses
show examples
 it briefly for the subsequent reasons.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, when punishment
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 serious
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
offence
Use synonyms
 and mistake might be reduced.
Traffic
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
offence
Fix the agreement mistake
offences
show examples
 can cause more accidents on
road
Correct article usage
the road
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 can suffer seriously,
therefore
Linking Words
,
traffic
Use synonyms
rules
Use synonyms
 should follow by drivers and common
people
Use synonyms
 too in order to accidents might be diminished.
For instance
Linking Words
, many
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 nations have imposed law on who breaks
traffic
Use synonyms
rules
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 more money as fine. These kinds of activities may reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
offence
Fix the agreement mistake
offences
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, strict
punishments
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 licence
cancel
Replace the word
cancellation
show examples
 can help to avoid
traffic
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
offence
Fix the agreement mistake
offences
show examples
 on
road
Correct article usage
the road
show examples
 because
people
Use synonyms
 when they have fear
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their driving
licence
Fix the agreement mistake
licences
show examples
while
Linking Words
 they have more concentration
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
rules
Use synonyms
. To be more specific, congestion
offence
Use synonyms
 can occur frequently by the
rules
Use synonyms
 breaker and offender,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not think about other's life and their life too.
For example
Linking Words
, speed
limits camera
Fix the agreement mistake
limit cameras
show examples
 will be fixed in
traffic
Use synonyms
 lights
then
Linking Words
traffic
Use synonyms
 police can catch the offender
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
give
penalty
Add an article
a penalty
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a large amount of fine like
Change preposition
in western
show examples
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 nations.
Hence
Linking Words
, strict
punishments
Use synonyms
 should
impose
Wrong verb form
be imposed
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who
breaks
Correct subject-verb agreement
break
show examples
 the
traffic
Use synonyms
 law.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
traffic
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
offence
Fix the agreement mistake
offences
show examples
 might be diminished when
punishments
Use synonyms
 should be
stricted
Correct your spelling
restricted
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement in the above-mentioned details. I hope
this
Linking Words
 trend drives more benefits to society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Remember to organize your essay into clear paragraphs, beginning with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs, each presenting a specific point or argument, and concluding with a summarizing conclusion. Aim for a logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. For instance, in this essay, while there is an introduction and conclusion, the main points could be better developed, with clearer transitions and topic sentences for each paragraph.
task achievement
Ensure that the response fully addresses the question posed, presenting a complete argument with clear and comprehensive ideas supported by relevant examples. This essay touches on the main topic but does not fully develop each point with substantial examples and detailed explanation. It's also important to avoid vague statements and to elaborate more on ideas presented to make a convincing argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: