IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In recent years, there has been a significant increase in the number of oil drilling operations in remote locations around the world. This has brought economic benefits to some countries, though it has also raised concerns about the environmental impact of these operations. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#years #oil #operations #locations #world #countries #concerns #impact
For the past few
decades
Add a comma
decades,
show examples
 people all over the world have been trying to find
oil
 sources
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it is one of the most profitable businesses. It really helps to grow the country’s economy
although
 some people are worried that
this
 might do some serious damage to the environment. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I’ll discuss both points of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 and express my opinion. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand,
oil
 is necessary for
production
Add an article
the production
show examples
 of many
our
Change preposition
of our
show examples
daily use
Add a hyphen
daily-use
show examples
 products. To give an example, chewing gum, plastic containers or cosmetics. Nowadays we can’t imagine a day without using these products.
Oil
 is
also
 used for petroleum and car tires, which leads to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 conclusion that
oil
 is an unavoidable part of the country’s manufacturing.
On the other hand
,
oil
 is really harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 the environment and
Correct article usage
the earths
show examples
earths
Change noun form
earth's
show examples
 atmosphere as it
as well
Rephrase
also
show examples
 increases the pace of global warming.
For instance
, if there is an incident during the drilling operations and the
oil
 leaks
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
 the
see
Correct your spelling
sea
show examples
, it is deadly for marine life.
Oil
’s density is smaller than
waters
Fix the agreement mistake
water
show examples
, so a layer that forms on the
water
Change noun form
water's
show examples
 surface prevents oxygen from reaching fish or seaweed.
Oil
 incidents
also
 affect our life just as much, because marine animals are a pretty big part of our diet.
For example
, fish, shrimp and other seafood.
To conclude
, I would side with those who contend that we should invent other ways to produce specific products that at present are being made from
oil
. Even if
oil
 drilling massively grows countries’ economies it has more cons than benefits.
Submitted by oimigle on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay presents a basic structure with a discernible introduction, development of ideas, and conclusion. However, the logical progression can be improved by using a wider range of cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences to lead into the main points.
task achievement
The response addresses all parts of the task, but the development of points is somewhat uneven. The essay could be strengthened by providing more detailed examples and explanations to fully support the main points. Additionally, ensure that the opinion presented is clear throughout the essay and reiterated in the conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Extraction industry
  • Fossil fuels
  • Renewable resources
  • Sustainability
  • Ecosystem
  • Biodiversity
  • Greenhouse gases
  • Carbon footprint
  • Ecological balance
  • Socio-economic development
  • Non-renewable resources
  • Environmental degradation
  • Sustainable development
  • Climate mitigation
  • Energy transition
  • Ecological footprint
  • Corporate social responsibility
  • Pollution control measures
  • Economic diversification
  • Resource exploitation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: