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Band 5.5

The best way to solve environmental problems is increase the fuel cost? do you agree or disagree?

#fuel #cost
Some argue that the most optimal solution to address the global environmental crisis is to increase the
fuel
 price. From my perspective, I would like to refuse
this
 notion as these problems
caused
Add a missing verb
are caused
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 by many factors and other approaches will be more effective
due to
 some long-term benefits. On the one hand, there is a wide range of causes leading to the current detrimental issues related to the global environment.
Firstly
, trash including domestic and industrial waste
that is
 not treated appropriately is one of the main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
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 air pollution,
or
Correct word choice
apply
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soil water contamination and habitat destruction.
Secondly
, deforestation which is primarily caused by
algriculture
Correct your spelling
agriculture
, logging and urbanization,
also
 contributes to environmental consequences. Particularly, it leads to habitat loss, soil erosion, and biodiversity decline, or even disrupts ecosystems attributed to a heavy factor of climate change. All of the aforementioned causes have nothing to do with
fuel
 proving that the given solution will not work.
On the other hand
,
fuel
 is still one of the main energy sources and people have not figured out alternatives that are more effective to use in transportation and production. It means that
fuel
 is essential for people’s lives and the increase in the cost of
fuel
 can not prevent them from stopping utilities.
Hence
, other practices should be applied to solve the world’s environmental crisis and to achieve long-term advantages.
To begin
 with, promoting environmental education, raising awareness about the importance of sustainable practices, and fostering a sense of environmental responsibility can drive individual and collective action.
Furthermore
, authorities should apply more
stricly
Correct your spelling
strict
strictly
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
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 or policies related to the decrease in the amount of litter contributing to mitigating the pollution.
For instance
,
Korean
Correct article usage
the Korean
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 state has exerted the law of charging consumers by extra 2$ if they require plastic bags when shopping, resulting in a significant decline in household waste by 40% compared to the same term
last
 year. In conclusion, as
fuel
 is not attributed to the main factor
caused
Wrong verb form
causing
show examples
 negative impacts on the global environmental concerns, I believe that increasing the cost of
fuel
 is not the most advantageous approach to mitigate the given issues.
Submitted by nguyenmysam722001 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but the body paragraphs could be better structured, ensuring each idea is clearly separated and discussed thoroughly.
task achievement
While the essay provides a complete response to the prompt, the task achievement could be improved by fully addressing both sides of the argument, including the advantages of increasing fuel costs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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