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Writing Samples
Band 4

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one universtiy did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one universtiy did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie chart demonstrates
one
Correct pronoun usage
what one
show examples
 university’s graduating students from
Anthropology
Correct article usage
the Anthropology
show examples
 department did after their graduation.
Also
Linking Words
, the table chart exhibits employed people’s income in five years. All the data is in
proportions
Fix the agreement mistake
proportion
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of the graduated students had
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. In terms of salaries,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of freelance consultants and government sector employees gained at least $75,000 same as roughly half of the private company employees did. In detail, 52% of the fresh graduated anthropologists has
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
 job
following
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
 by part-time workers with 15% and unemployed graduates with 12%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, those who did postgraduate study
while
Linking Words
 working part-time and full-time study postgraduate made the minority with 5% and 8%, respectively. Moving on to their salaries, freelance consultants’ 80%
employees
Change preposition
of employees
show examples
 gained more than 75,000 with the 40% of in it has the highest salary range which is more than $100,000. Workers of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 sector’ 80% gained more than 75,000
while
Linking Words
 50%
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
gained more than $100,000.
Finally
Linking Words
, private company workers made a minimum of 75,000 and 0% inside it gained more than $100,000.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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