Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment in essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Opinions on the death penalty, which has
ben
widely applied throughout history, have shown a significant change with the development and progress of societies. Correct your spelling
been
While
the
execution was imposed on many criminal acts in the past, today Correct article usage
apply
this
punishment
has been removed from the laws in many countries
, especially in European countries
. In my view, the death penalty can be imposed for some serious offences, but not for all. In this
essay, I will explain this
view with examples.
Firstly
, I believe that there are various ways in which criminals may be punished instead
of being killed,
and that these punishments should be based on the gravity of the offence committed by the person. Remove the comma
apply
For example
, convicts who commit major acts should be death or imprisoned fort he
rest of their lives. In Correct your spelling
for the
this
way, a person who like
that Change the verb form
likes
this
person will analyse their actions and behavior
and become aware of the harm they have caused to society. Change the spelling
behaviour
On the other hand
, some countries
impose the
capital Correct article usage
apply
punishment
on people because of religious requirements, for instance
in Iran, a woman can receive this
punishment
because she does not cover her head. This
method of punishment
that
does not respect human thought and belief.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
Secondly
, a punishment
without deterrence and an
Change the article
a
rigidityaimed
at violence will make society prone to violence. Correct your spelling
rigidity aimed
For example
, the crime rate in the United States, one of the countries
where the penalty is most widely used, is much higher than in many other countries
.
In conclusion, capital punishment
is a debatable issue and have strong views on both sides. Taking prompt actions can be declined
Wrong verb form
reduce
the
violent crimes.Correct article usage
apply
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coherence cohesion
Regarding coherence and cohesion, the essay lacks a robust structure which makes it challenging to follow. Ideas and paragraphs should be more logically organized with clearer topic sentences and concluding sentences for each paragraph. There seems to be a disconnect between them. Using a wider range of linking words and phrases would improve the flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a response to the task at hand, but the development of ideas is somewhat limited, occasionally unclear or irrelevant. More focused and elaborated arguments, demonstrating a full understanding of the topic, are required. Ensure that all parts of the task are addressed and that examples are specific and directly relevant to the points being made.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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