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Writing Samples
Band 4

Advertising is all around us, it is an unavoidable part of everyone’s life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives while others say it is a negative one. Discuss both views and include your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#part #everyone’s #life #people #lives
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It is undeniable that advertising Plays an earth-shaking role For businesses around the world to sell their
products
 and services.
However
,
while
 Some
People
 believe that marketing impacts negatively everyone's life, I could agree with those who deem that It is advantageous for us.
Firstly
, advertising works like a bridge between customers and businesses, Because of that
People
 get to know about manifold
Products
 and services of a company, which helps Selless to sell their
Products
 Significantly.
Also
,
People
 have various options to Purchase as per their requirements and budget.
For Instance
, the Amazon Founded Tefe Bezof stated that advertising is a time-saver for common
People
 as they do not need to waste their time by visiting many shops For their demanded
Products
.
Nevertheless
, It is often claimed that augmenting advertising tends to Force
PeoPle
 to spend money. Businesses create ads in
such
 a way that manipulate
People
 mentally to buy their
Products
. Eventually,
People
 tend to spend on unnecessary things which sometimes leads them into debt.
Moreover
, some advertising specifically targets children as they easily get attracted and force their Parents to Purchase things
such
 as toys and Video games.
To conclude
,
although
 target advertising is disadvantageous For
People
, I strongly believe that the Pros are Far more beneficial for
People
.
Submitted by keval28598 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay lacks clear coherence and cohesion. The logical structure is difficult to follow due to frequent grammatical errors and unconventional capitalization which interrupts the flow of your argument. Ensure that paragraphs are well-structured and ideas flow logically from one to the next.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, with the conclusion effectively summarizing your arguments. Avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion that were not discussed in the main body.
Coherence and Cohesion
Support your main points with more developed arguments and clear, relevant examples. Elaborate on your ideas to make a stronger impact.
Task Achievement
Provide a more complete response to the task. Address all parts of the prompt thoroughly, offering a balanced discussion of both views and your own opinion. Include a final position that is relevant to the discussion.
Task Achievement
Strive for clearer and more comprehensive ideas. Clarify your arguments and ensure they are well-developed and comprehensible to the reader.
Task Achievement
Your essay should include relevant specific examples to strengthen your points. The provided example lacks detail and does not effectively support your argument. Use examples that are directly related to your main points, providing enough detail to aid your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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