IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
There is
arguement
Correct your spelling
an argument
 about people
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
show examples
 that
external
Correct article usage
an external
show examples
 family like
grandparents
Use synonyms
 is less important.
Linking Words
While
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 people
still
Correct pronoun usage
who still
show examples
 think that
grandparents
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 important. I agree that
grandparents
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 still important because they can teach and
Use synonyms
advice
Replace the word
advise
show examples
 us about
life
Use synonyms
, and they could be
a second
Correct the article-noun agreement
a second parent
second parents
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 after our
parents
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
Grandparents
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 old, but they can still give us their experience,
also
Linking Words
 they can give us
advice
Use synonyms
 to be a good personality. They have a lot of experience
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 we can learn from
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and
applience
Correct your spelling
apply
 to our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, so
that is
Linking Words
 why they are still important and don't forget them.
For example
Linking Words
,
last
Linking Words
 year
l
Use synonyms
confused
Add a missing verb
was confused
show examples
 that
l
Use synonyms
 must
to made
Verb problem
make
show examples
decision
Add an article
a decision
the decision
show examples
 about my career
then
Linking Words
l
Use synonyms
 asked my
grandparents
Use synonyms
, and they
give
Wrong verb form
gave
show examples
 me
a
Remove the article
advice
a piece of advice
a bit of advice
show examples
advice
Use synonyms
 from their
life
Use synonyms
, and
l
Use synonyms
shocked
Add a missing verb
was shocked
show examples
 because
l
Use synonyms
 never
think
Wrong verb form
thought about
show examples
 it before.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
l
Use synonyms
follow
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
 their
advice
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
l
Use synonyms
 got a promotion from my office.
Body paragraph 2
Grandparents
Use synonyms
 can be second
parents
Use synonyms
 for us
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if our
parents
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 passed away. They
also
Linking Words
 cover
Use synonyms
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 position because we are children from their child.
For example
Linking Words
, my
parents
Use synonyms
 already
passes
Wrong verb form
passed
show examples
 away, and my
grandparents
Use synonyms
 cover that position like my
parents
Use synonyms
 do for us.
Body paragraph 3
Although
Linking Words
 my
parents
Use synonyms
 already
passes
Wrong verb form
passed
show examples
 away,
l
Use synonyms
 never feel lost figure of
parents
Use synonyms
 because
l
Use synonyms
 have my
grandparents
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
,
l
Use synonyms
 agree
Change preposition
with that
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 statement that
grandparents
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 person because they can give us
advice
Use synonyms
 about
life
Use synonyms
, so we can learn from
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. They
also
Linking Words
 can be
a second
Correct the article-noun agreement
a second parent
second parents
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to replace our
parents
Use synonyms
 if our
parents
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 passed away.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
When introducing your essay, ensure that you clearly state your thesis or the position you are taking on the given topic. This helps in setting a clear direction for your argument.
task achievement
To achieve higher marks in task achievement, make sure your essay provides an answer that fully addresses the question, including all parts of the task. You should elaborate on your ideas, providing comprehensive insights and reflections on the topic.
task achievement
Make sure to use specific examples that are directly related to your main points. These examples should be detailed and illustrate your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should have a logical flow of ideas. This includes organizing paragraphs in a logical manner, with each paragraph having a clear central idea that is followed by supporting sentences.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are essential for a well-structured essay. Ensure your introductory paragraph introduces the topic and states your position, while your conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
For main points to be well-supported, you should elaborate on each one with explanations or examples. Avoid making generalized statements without backing them up with detailed information.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • extended family
  • nuclear family
  • dynamics
  • financial independence
  • assisted living
  • globalization
  • individualistic
  • collectivist
  • traditions
  • communication technology
  • family structures
  • intergenerational ties
  • elderly care
  • cultural heritage
  • proximity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: