In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule?

#countries #people #smoke #places #office #buildings #rule

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Nowadays We

Correct your spelling

have

jave

Correct your spelling

have

so many types of

music

around the world A lot of

people

listen

Add the preposition

listen to

show examples

more foreign

musics

Change the wording

music

kinds of music

pieces of music

show examples

than traditional

songs

In my opinion we need

musics

Change the wording

music

kinds of music

pieces of music

show examples

that

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

when we heart somewhere we enjoy On the one hand,

musics

Change the wording

music

kinds of music

pieces of music

show examples

can help to be calm because it is

fact

Correct article usage

a fact

show examples

that , when someone who is at

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

nervous moment

Correct subject-verb agreement

listens

show examples

listen

Add the preposition

listen to

show examples

Change the article

quite a

show examples

quite

Correct your spelling

quiet

show examples

song or

music

he or she will definitely chill out

himself

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

For example

while

Change the capitalization

show examples

listening

Add the preposition

listening to

show examples

music

on the street or somewhere ,I feel free

In addition

there are some unuseful

musics

Change the wording

music

kinds of music

pieces of music

show examples

which are rock and

phonk

Correct your spelling

punk

songs

These are really awful to listen

on the contrary

many young

people

listen more

this

kind of

songs

Phonk and rock badly impact on our mindset of a generation

On the other

hand

Add a comma

hand,

show examples

there is

other

Correct quantifier usage

another

show examples

question Traditional

music

of a country

Add a missing verb

is more

show examples

important than International

music

It is true that So many

people

prefer International

musics

Change the wording

music

kinds of music

pieces of music

show examples

than

Change preposition

show examples

musics

Change the wording

music

kinds of music

pieces of music

show examples

which

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

the

Change the article

apply

show examples

traditional In my opinion ,

this

statement is true . Nowadays Television and social media show more foreign

musics

Change the wording

music

kinds of music

pieces of music

show examples

than traditional

songs

Similarly

showing international

musics

Change the wording

music

kinds of music

pieces of music

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

television

bring

Correct subject-verb agreement

brings

show examples

more money for

Correct your spelling

show examples

companies.On the other

side

Add a comma

side,

show examples

some

people

say

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

should pay more to improve traditional

music

but

on the

contrary

Add a comma

contrary,

show examples

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

allows for more international

musics

Change the wording

music

kinds of music

pieces of music

show examples

they can bring more money

Change preposition

into

show examples

government

Add an article

the government

a government

show examples

conclusion

Add a comma

conclusion,

show examples

so many

people

trust traditional

music

important

Correct quantifier usage

more important

show examples

than

international

Correct article usage

the international

show examples

Government

should improve both

Change preposition

apply

show examples

groups

Change noun form

groups'

group's

show examples

music

#Dilshodbek #essay #day1 #n1

Submitted by bekzodeshonjonovv on Wed Dec 06 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Ensure that your essay remains focused on the topic provided. In this case, the topic is about smoking in public places, but your essay discusses the impact of music, which is not relevant to the given question.

task achievement

Develop your main ideas with clear topic sentences and provide supporting examples or explanations. Your essay offers general statements but lacks specific, relevant examples to illustrate the points you're making.

coherence cohesion

Organize your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a central idea that supports the overall argument. Your essay does not have a clear structure or progression of ideas.

coherence cohesion

Use linking words and phrases to help the reader follow the progression of your ideas and to connect sentences and paragraphs. Your essay lacks clear connectors and transitions which makes it difficult to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
43
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

253 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

secondhand smoke
passive smoking
respiratory issues
health conditions
cigarette butts
littering
promote a healthier lifestyle
smoking rates
workplace productivity
absenteeism
smoke-free environment
rights of non-smokers
inclusive
personal freedom
governmental overreach

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In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people believe that schoolchildren should be made to wear a uniform. Others feel that children should be free to choose their own clothes. Discuss both sides of the argument. Do you agree or disagree with pupils wearing uniforms?

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching younger children) To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The development of tourism contributed to English becoming the most prominent language in the world. Some people think this will lead to English becoming the only language to be spoken globally. What are the advantages and disadvantages to having one language in the world?

Some people think that people should choose their job based on income in order to provide security for their family. Do you think money is an important factor when choosing a job? What other factors should be considered?

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?