In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule?
Nowadays We
Correct your spelling
have
jave
so many types of Correct your spelling
have
music
around the world A lot of people
listen
more foreign Add the preposition
listen to
musics
than traditional Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
songs
In my opinion we need musics
that Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
are
when we heart somewhere we enjoy
On the one hand, Correct subject-verb agreement
is
musics
can help to be calm because it is Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
fact
that , when someone who is at Correct article usage
a fact
the
nervous moment Correct article usage
apply
Correct subject-verb agreement
listens
listen
Add the preposition
listen to
Change the article
quite a
quite
song or Correct your spelling
quiet
music
he or she will definitely chill out himself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
For example
, while
i
am Change the capitalization
I
listening
Add the preposition
listening to
music
on the street or somewhere ,I feel free In addition
there are some unuseful musics
which are rock and Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
phonk
Correct your spelling
punk
songs
These are really awful to listen on the contrary
many young people
listen more this
kind of songs
Phonk and rock badly impact on our mindset of a generation
On the other
hand
there is Add a comma
hand,
other
question Traditional Correct quantifier usage
another
music
of a country more
important than International Add a missing verb
is more
music
It is true that So many people
prefer International musics
Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
than
Change preposition
to
musics
which Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
the
traditional In my opinion ,Change the article
apply
this
statement is true . Nowadays Television and social media show more foreign musics
than traditional Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
songs
Similarly
showing international musics
on Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
the
television Correct article usage
apply
bring
more money for Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
tv
companies.On the other Correct your spelling
TV
side
some Add a comma
side,
people
say government
should pay more to improve traditional Add an article
the government
music
but on the
contrary
if Add a comma
contrary,
government
allows for more international Add an article
the government
musics
they can bring more money Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
to
Change preposition
into
government
In Add an article
the government
a government
conclusion
so many Add a comma
conclusion,
people
trust traditional music
is important
than Correct quantifier usage
more important
international
Correct article usage
the international
Government
should improve both of
Change preposition
apply
groups
Change noun form
groups'
group's
music
#Dilshodbek #essay #day1 #n1Submitted by bekzodeshonjonovv on
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task achievement
Ensure that your essay remains focused on the topic provided. In this case, the topic is about smoking in public places, but your essay discusses the impact of music, which is not relevant to the given question.
task achievement
Develop your main ideas with clear topic sentences and provide supporting examples or explanations. Your essay offers general statements but lacks specific, relevant examples to illustrate the points you're making.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a central idea that supports the overall argument. Your essay does not have a clear structure or progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to help the reader follow the progression of your ideas and to connect sentences and paragraphs. Your essay lacks clear connectors and transitions which makes it difficult to follow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.