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Band 4.5

Surveys show that many people believe most jobs in the future will be done at home.Do you agree or disagree ?

#surveys #show #people #jobs #future #home
In recent years, there have been numerous people
Correct pronoun usage
who prefered
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prefered
Correct your spelling
prefer
 to spend their
work
 from home. As
such
, there are agreements and disagreements in
comunities
Correct your spelling
communities
,
although
 I opine
thats
Correct your spelling
that
 the agreements outweigh the disagreements. I agree that it would
be optimized
Wrong verb form
optimise
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 our working performance
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 if we do it from home. In
this
 essay, I will examine all the relevant arguments based on factual premises. Nowadays, time is the most important factor in a person's life. A person can save a
lot
 of time from travelling and preparations from their home to
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
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.
In addition
, numerous hassles
such
 as driving and travelling through public transportation will be reduced. It will comfort human life.
Due to
this
, people will have a
lot
 of time to spend with their loved ones.
For example
. as per data released by the government, numerous people are enjoying
to
Change the verb form
working
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work
 from their homes which has
boost
Wrong verb form
boosted
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 their
work
 performance. On the companies side, they gain a
lot
 of
beneficials
Correct your spelling
benefits
 from remote workers because they do not have to spend money to manage their employees in the offices.
For example
, the employer does need to spend money on food and water for their workers.
Moreover
, they obtain a
lot
 of profits because of excellent performance from their employees. Nowadays, the employer can save money because they do not rent a place. In conclusion, there are numerous merits
from
Change preposition
of
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 remote
work
 for employers and employees.
This
 essay suggests companies
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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adopt
this
 method because of
beneficial
Correct pronoun usage
its beneficial
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 impacts to
all-around
Correct your spelling
all around
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 society.
Submitted by gladysdharmawan1994 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph coherently support that main idea. Avoid unnecessary repetition and make sure your argument progresses logically throughout the essay.
task achievement
Focus on answering the question directly and fully. Offer clear opinions and address all parts of the task. It's important to develop your points with explanations and examples while ensuring that your essay remains relevant to the prompt. Expand on your ideas sufficiently to support your argument.
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