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Writing Samples
Band 7

Young people are often influenced in their behaviors and situations by others in the same age. This is called “peer pressure”. Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

#people #behaviors #situations #age #“peer #pressure”
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These days, global inhabitants have different lives from the past time;
moreover
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, some things which are not essential have an effect on them.
In addition
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,
one
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 thing which is really public between
people
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 who are the same age is peer pressure, which is our behaviour is a result of others .
While
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 there are some benefits of peer pressure, I still that these cannot overshadow the drawbacks. On the
one
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 hand, population manner effects in our behaviour have several merits.
Firstly
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, it is important that we change our bad habits with the best ones.
For example
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, when we do not read books, but our friends and
people
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 who are around us read a lot of books;
as a result
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, our beliefs will be altered.
Secondly
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, we can receive good experiments from communities who are living with us owing to the fact that
people
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 do various work and obtain several results;
hence
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, we are able to use their experience to avoid damage.
On the other hand
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, the demerits of
this
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 evidence are varied. On the
one
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 side,
people
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 especially teenagers like to have everything which their friends have;
therefore
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, when their parents cannot give them, they will become angry. On the other side, every person who lives in
one
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 society has different talents, so when
people
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 are influenced by
people
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 who are the same age, they not only do not develop their abilities but
also
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 they will become
people
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 who have a lot of disadvantages in their countries. To illustrate, a group of are good at mathematics;
nevertheless
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, they are weak at learning language;
thus
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, these
people
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 who are learning mathematics must not compare themselves with communities who are good at language inasmuch as their abilities are
in contrast
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.
To conclude
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, the good points of peer pressure are so many;
although
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, the bad points of them can eclipse the advantages on account of the fact that it is important that
people
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 follow things that can have them and are good it them.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence cohesion
Avoid using complex sentences unnecessarily, as they can make your writing harder to understand. Try to be clear and concise.
task achievement
Focus on developing your main points with more clarity and depth. This will help demonstrate a higher level of understanding and analysis.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is great for overall structure.
task achievement
You provided specific examples to support your points, which helps in making your arguments more convincing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • behaviors
  • peer pressure
  • academic performance
  • social activities
  • risky behaviors
  • health and wellbeing
  • social skills development
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • empathy
  • individuality
  • independence
  • conformity
  • emotional well-being
  • mental well-being
  • self-esteem
  • negative consequences
  • positive influence
  • motivation
  • encouragement
  • sense of belonging
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