some people prefer to live in small family units, while other think it is better to live in large family groups. discuss both view and give your opinion.

In recent years,
people
have different views about the number of
family
Change to a plural noun
families
show examples
. There are
people
who prefer to live in small
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
and there are not a
little
Correct quantifier usage
few
show examples
either who prefer to have extended
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
. In
this
essay, I will examine all the relevant views based on factual premises. There are several benefits if they have a lot of family members. The predominant one is that they can share responsibilities.
For
example
, they can do chores together and finish
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
faster than
people
in the small family.
Moreover
, children in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
large
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
can learn about cultures from their
grandfather
Fix the agreement mistake
grandfathers
show examples
or
grandmother
Fix the agreement mistake
grandmothers
show examples
and have a lot of
guidances
Fix the agreement mistake
guidance
show examples
from adults. On the other side, living
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
large
Add an article
a large
show examples
family can provide financial strain because the more
people
the more expenses.
For
example
, they must pay the electricity more than the small family.
People
who
living
Change the form of the verb
live
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
small
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
can build tight
bonding
Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
show examples
with each other.
In addition
, it is easier to support
financial
Replace the word
finances
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
small family.
For
example
, there are
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
addition
Replace the word
additional
show examples
expenses
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
food and electricity
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
will
Correct pronoun usage
that will
show examples
be reduced.
However
,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of members can be
problem
Add an article
a problem
show examples
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
emergencies situation
Fix the agreement mistake
emergency situations
show examples
.
For
example
, if children are sick, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
siblings and parents are still
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the workplace, It would be
risked
Replace the word
risk
show examples
. In conclusion, there are benefits and drawbacks
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
having a small number or a large number of
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
.
However
, in my opinion, living
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
extended
Correct article usage
an extended
show examples
family can bring a lot of joy and benefits
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
emergency situation.
Submitted by gladysdharmawan1994 on

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intro conc
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clear, distinct, and encompassing of the essay's main points, suggestions for improving these might involve clearly paraphrasing the question in the introduction and summarizing your stance and main points in the conclusion without introducing new information.
coh cohesion
To improve coherence, transitions between ideas and paragraphs should be smooth and logical. This can be done by using varied linking words and ensuring each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that signals the content of the paragraph.
main points
Your main points are supported, but could be strengthened with a variety of examples and a deeper analysis. Provide more detailed and varied examples to support your claims, perhaps using real-life scenarios, statistics or studies where possible.
task response
Your response addresses the task prompt, but developing more comprehensive ideas and clearer argumentation will enhance it. Spend a little more time expanding on your ideas, explaining the reasoning behind your opinions, and reflecting on both views before stating your own to show a balanced consideration.
specific examples
In your examples, aim for specificity and relevance to the topic at hand; generic examples may not be as convincing as those that directly relate to and illustrate the points being discussed.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Nuclear family
  • Extended family
  • Financial stability
  • Emotional intimacy
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Isolation
  • Support network
  • Shared responsibilities
  • Cultural heritage
  • Interpersonal conflict
  • Personal space
  • Family dynamics
What to do next:
Look at other essays: