IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays the world's population is rising
as well as
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 the number of people relocating from the rural area to cities and towns. Since the amount of dwellers is expected to increase in the future, I strongly believe that
this
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 change has many downsides.
Although
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 some people argue that living in a city provides more amenities and opportunities rather than being located in the countryside, I think that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
Firstly
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,
due to
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 the high cost of living in a metropolis, flats and housing estates in cities are becoming more and more expensive.
For instance
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, rents in Milan are overpriced and many off-side students cannot afford them.
In addition
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, a by-product of
this
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 situation is the creation of slums and inadequate and unsafe housing.
As a result
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, some low-income families are trapped in unhealthy and dangerous conditions that are difficult to escape. The growth of urban areas leads to pollution and traffic congestion too. Many individuals take their private vehicles to move from the outskirts to the inner city because there is not an efficient and cost-effective public transportation system. As a matter of fact, travelling around the cities could take a lot more by bus rather than by car.
Furthermore
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, a lot of diseases are spreading because air quality is getting worse.
As a consequence
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, many people suffer from various serious illnesses,
for instance
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, lung cancer.
To sum up
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, urbanisation has many disadvantages. For one thing, living in a city is really expensive, for another it makes the world more polluted and causes traffic jams. In my view,
this
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 situation cannot be defined as an improvement.

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Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction failed to clearly set the stage for the ensuing discussion. It's important to have a well-defined introduction and conclusion to frame your essay effectively.
Logical Structure
Your essay demonstrates reasonable progression of ideas, but there is a need for a stronger logical structure with better organized paragraphs and more effective use of cohesive devices.
Supported Main Points
Main points are present, yet occasionally unclear, and could have been more effectively supported with more detailed examples and explanation.
Complete Response
You addressed the topic and provided an opinion, yet the response could be more fully developed with a more balanced discussion of both sides of the argument.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
Your ideas were mostly clear but occasionally lacked depth and nuance. Aim to develop more comprehensive insights on the topic.
Relevant Specific Examples
While specific examples were used, they could be further detailed and more relevant to the prompt; additionally, try to provide supporting examples for all main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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