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Band 4.5

Nowadays people use bicycles less as a form of transport. Why is that? What can we do to encourage people to use bicycles more?

#people #bicycles #form #transport
In
this
 era, we
travel
 more and
further
 than ever in human history,
that is
 why
bicycles
 have become less preferable as
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
form
Correct subject-verb agreement
forms
show examples
 of
transportation
 have offered speed and
comfortable
Replace the word
comfort
show examples
while
 driving or riding.
However
,
cars
 and motorcycles are become overused as
people
travel
 for a short distance but
use
these
Change the determiner
this transportation
show examples
transportation
 when they can
use
bikes
instead
.
People
 choose to ride with
cars
 or motorcycles
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
bicycles
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because the time they spend for commute will significantly decrease. Now we live In a fast-paced world where everything
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be done in
short
Add an article
a short
show examples
 time but demand for
higher
Add an article
a higher
the higher
show examples
 number of
travel
.
Moreover
, because of the advancement of technology, we possible to
travel
 far away either for work and school or going
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 holiday,
that is
 why each family has at least one private
transportation
.
Nevertheless
, the
used
Replace the word
use
show examples
 of
cars
 and motorbikes
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 overused
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
causing the number of
bicycles
Change the noun form
bicycle
show examples
 ownership is
decreasing
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
. To encourage society to
use
 more
bikes
, there are some solutions, first and foremost is adequate infrastructure.
Bicycles
 should have their own track as they can
Wrong verb form
injure
show examples
injured
Wrong verb form
injure
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
pedestrians
show examples
pedestrian
Fix the agreement mistake
pedestrians
show examples
 if they
use
 a track together and it will be dangerous for
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycle’s
show examples
Change noun form
bicycles
show examples
bicycles’s
Change noun form
bicycles
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
riders
show examples
rider
Fix the agreement mistake
riders
show examples
 if they in the same track
Change preposition
as
show examples
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
cars
 and motorcycles.
That is
 why
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should take
this
 idea seriously if they want to attract
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society to
use
bikes
.
Further
step
Fix the agreement mistake
steps
show examples
also
 should be taken by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to improve public
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
such
 as
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
show examples
 and
train
Fix the agreement mistake
trains
show examples
. Integration between using
bikes
 and adequate public
transportation
 can help make
this
 program successful,
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 has
proven
Add a missing verb
been proven
show examples
 in Amsterdam and Japan. Today,
people
 is possible to
travel
 far away but private
tranportation
Correct your spelling
transportation
 become overused so
people
 need to consider
to
Change the verb form
using
show examples
use
bicycles
 more often. I believe,
to
Correct word choice
that to
show examples
 motivate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society to ride
bikes
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should provide adequate infrastructure and improve
integration
Correct article usage
the integration
show examples
 of
bicycles
 and public
transportation
.
Submitted by nadiaha234 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that paragraphs are well-structured and ideas flow logically from one to the other. It is important to have clear topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph and to use a range of cohesive devices to link your ideas effectively.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address all parts of the task. Develop your ideas fully and extend your responses with clear explanations and relevant examples. Avoid general statements and strive to present a clear position throughout the response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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