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Band 4.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#cultures #children #message #reason
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in
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Submitted by swikritishrestha90 on

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task response
Your essay should accurately follow the set topic. The given text is not related to the IELTS Task 2 question about advantages and disadvantages of telling children that they can achieve anything with enough effort. Refocus your essay on the question prompt.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that are relevant to the task. The provided text lacks a proper introduction and conclusion related to the topic of children's expectations, and is formatted as an email rather than an essay which is not appropriate for the IELTS test.
coherence cohesion
Use the essay format to develop your main points with supporting arguments. The provided text does not present arguments, examples, or evidence about the impact of certain messages on children's beliefs and behavior, which leads to a lack of supported main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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