Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is thought by some that a university education is a stepping stone to building up a lucrative employment status in life,
while
other groups believe that getting a job directly after school discipline is the better option . Although
tertiary studies can reinforce the future race development of an individual .In my opinion , I affirm that interested students must be promoted to start working straight away after acquiring their basic education.Let us discuss this
in detail in the subsequent paragraphs.
To begin
with, let us shed light on the argument that higher study is crucial for a better future. First and foremost, most professionals are highly qualified. In addition
, the doctors, engineers or whoever decorating the higher positions in society are well qualified with graduation and post-graduation certificates that made them lead successful and satisfactory careers in their lives. For example
, in India, the staff members of the schools are categorised as principals, teachers, administrators and other lower-grade positions based on their academic qualifications which include the level of their degrees that helped them to create a successful pathway.
On the other hand
, there are certain points to support the decision to work without university qualifications. Primarily, personal skills are the building blocks of a successful staff member in his organisation. Moreover
, leadership qualities, time management, emotional intelligence and collaboration and cooperation among a team play a crucial role in the achievements of a staff member. For instance
, the success of the Microsoft company is the patience and leadership qualities of Bill Gates rather than his tertiary qualifications.
In conclusion, the overall
development of a successful course is the subtotal of educational certificates and the innate characteristics of an individual. In my point of view, the factors behind a rewarding career are decided by the personal interest of a person whether he or she is affiliated with studies or would like to cultivate their personal skills .Submitted by emonsunderland2015 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a logical structure but could benefit from clarifying the progression of ideas. Occasionally, the argument may seem to jump without clear connections between points. Develop a more streamlined and cohesive logic flow from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be stronger. The thesis statement should more clearly indicate your stance and the conclusion should neatly summarize the points made in the essay without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Points made in the essay are supported, but some may lack depth. Strengthen your argument by offering more elaborated examples and fully explaining how they support your position. Ensure each paragraph contains one clear main idea with sufficient support.
task achievement
The completeness of your response is adequate. However, consider providing a more thorough exploration of the two perspectives and your own opinion. Ensure that you fully address all parts of the prompt to achieve a higher score.
task achievement
While ideas presented in the essay are relevant, there is room for more clarity and thoroughness. Strive to express your points more comprehensively, unambiguously demonstrating how they relate to the question.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant, although not always clearly linked to the argument or adequately detailed. Providing specific and clearly connected examples will enhance your essay and better illustrate your points.