The Government’s investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public service instead. To what extend do you agree with this statement?

#government’s #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #funds #service

It is an undeniable fact that we are living in a diverse world. Every

inches

Change to a singular noun

inch

show examples

of the world is full of new ideas and notions.

Moreover

, new generations do not care about virtues that were respected in past decades.

As a result

, these days there are myriad people who think

instead

of spending taxes on some

wastefull

Correct your spelling

wasteful

subjects like arts, music and theater, we should focus on public services. I almost disagree with

this

statement.

To begin

, let's start with

art

Art

is a specific way for

human

Fix the agreement mistake

humans

show examples

to express

himself

Correct pronoun usage

themselves

show examples

in a new way. Sometimes artists create

Remove the article

apply

show examples

art

just for

art

's sake.

Besides

that,

art

is like a drug for the humans who are living in the contemporary era. As an example, consider Frantz Kafka who was a Belgian and said I am

writting

Correct your spelling

writing

these words just for myself. I am talking with my own shadow because it could

truely

Correct your spelling

truly

understand me. So spending

founds

Correct your spelling

funds

show examples

promoting

Wrong verb form

promote

show examples

these gifted artists would be enormously beneficial for the future. Apart from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

art

, music and

theater

Change the spelling

theatre

show examples

are the other ways of making

beautiness

Correct your spelling

business

Further

, these are complementary to each other and could make a good combination which might be amusing for individuals who like to listen

Change preposition

to and

show examples

and

Change preposition

to and

show examples

watch cultured

Fix the agreement mistake

content

show examples

contents

Fix the agreement mistake

content

show examples

For instance

, patriotic

musics

Change the wording

music

kinds of music

pieces of music

show examples

and shows indicate the particular values of a society. Meanwhile, the other types of arts

such

as literature and translation are advantageous for students and even ordinary people. On the flip side, allocating a huge bulk of bucks

Change preposition

show examples

these subjects is irrational.

While

, all over the country is full of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

deprived children who are starving and rarely might find

this

chance to

have

Verb problem

make

show examples

any progress in their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

Therefore

occassionaly

Correct your spelling

occasionally

there are some exceptions that need to

be survey

Change the verb form

be surveyed

show examples

Overall

Although

, moral aspects of life are crucial,

comfort

Add an article

the comfort

show examples

of a country's citizens is more significant and we should not be indifferent toward

thid

Correct your spelling

this

matter.

Submitted by tg.persian on Wed Dec 06 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

There appears to be some structure in your essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes unclear, and there are abrupt shifts in topic. Linking phrases and connectors should be used more effectively to guide the reader through the arguments. Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and develops it thoroughly.

task achievement

Your response to the task partially addresses the essay prompt, but the full development of your ideas is lacking. You should clearly state the extent of your agreement or disagreement with the statement and consistently develop that stance throughout the essay. Aim to balance the argument by equally discussing both sides of the issue, and conclude with a strong stance supported by the main points presented.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

320 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

cultural heritage
cultural diversity
economic growth
creative industries
public service
community cohesion
opportunity cost
essential services
government spending
private sector
patronage
subsidize
invest
allocate
infrastructure

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Caring for children is very important for our society. Therefore all mother's and father's should take a child care training course. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Taking care of our children is a very important objective as parents. Enrolling in a specific course is a huge advantage for getting better at caring for our children . It is agreed that it is essential to take a specific program for child care. In this essay, the agreement of taking a training will be discussed and its benefits such as giving an excellent environment for our children and getting along on a healthy way.
6.5
band
Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle.Both parents and schools are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Modern society is witnessing an increasing number of children leading unhealthy lifestyles, and it is imperative to address this issue promptly. I strongly agree with the statement that both parents and schools bear responsibility for resolving this problem.
5.5
band
Some people spend most of their lives living close to where they were born. What might be the reasons for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages?
Most people prefer to live near their birthplace because of numerous reasons which provide advantages of property inheritance, familiarity in society, and business opportunities. However, there are certain disadvantages with this approach including intolerance and career growth.
5.5
band
First, water from the sea evaporates due to the sun's heat and forms clouds. These clouds then produce rain, which falls on the mountains.
First, water from the sea evaporates due to the sun's heat and forms clouds. These clouds then produce rain, which falls on the mountains. The rainwater is collected in a reservoir behind a dam.
<4
band
Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individual. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is often said that schools primarily aim to mold children into productive members of society and the workforce rather than focusing on their individual development and well-being. From my point of view, I partly agree with this view.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

The Government’s investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public service instead. To what extend do you agree with this statement?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Caring for children is very important for our society. Therefore all mother's and father's should take a child care training course. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle.Both parents and schools are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Some people spend most of their lives living close to where they were born. What might be the reasons for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages?

First, water from the sea evaporates due to the sun's heat and forms clouds. These clouds then produce rain, which falls on the mountains.

Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individual. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+