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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

A few languages are increasingly spoken in different countries, while the use of others is rapidly declining. It is a negative or positive development?

The prominence of some
languages
Use synonyms
 in many countries rises
while
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 others significantly decrease is considered as a drawback.
This
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 essay will clarify the reasons and give some relative examples. On the one hand, It is noticeable that the downward trend of using uncommon
languages
Use synonyms
 causes
language
Use synonyms
 loss. It means that the rapid decline of
languages
Use synonyms
 can result in the loss of unique culture and linguistic knowledge. If a
language
Use synonyms
 disappears, the accumulated wisdom, traditional practices and historical perspective might become oblivious, contributing to threats to the survival and well-being of these indigenous cultures .
Furthermore
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,
language
Use synonyms
 loss can erode cultural diversity and diminish the richness of human expression.
For example
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, when being asked to name the country owning a
language
Use synonyms
 named Dalmatian, 9 in 10 people participating in the Linguistic Survey conducted by UNESCO could not recognize the given one belongs to Croatia as it has disappeared since the 19th Century.
On the other hand
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, the dominance of some popular
languages
Use synonyms
 leads to inequality.
In other words
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,
language
Use synonyms
 inequality can perpetuate social and economic disparities, hindering the development and self-determination of affected communities which can cause detrimental consequences having to do with international issues.
For instance
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, when English becomes one of the most spoken
languages
Use synonyms
 followed by Chinese, and Japanese in these days and ages, visitors coming from Western countries where English is their mother tongue are more welcome than others when travelling to Korea, resulting in a debatable topic in recent years. In conclusion, there are disadvantages when some
languages
Use synonyms
 are significantly dominant
while
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 others are on the cusp of being less spoken. It is estimated if there are no global solutions to address
this
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 negativity, human beings will face threats related to cultural conservation and inequality around the world.

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task achievement
Your essay partially addresses the prompt but tends to be repetitive and lacks full expansion of ideas. Aim to present a more nuanced argument by considering both sides of the development more equitably and providing a clear stance.
coherence & cohesion
You presented a clear introduction and conclusion, but the transition between ideas could be improved. Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs to enhance logical flow.
task achievement
You included some examples, but they could be more directly relevant and explained in greater depth. Make sure your examples are not only specific but also clearly illustrate your point and are fully integrated into your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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