IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

some people argue that companies and private individual rather than government should pay the bills of pollution. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #companies #government #bills #pollution
some individuals discuss that companies
in addition
private
Change preposition
to private
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 rather than
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 must pay the
bills
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
pollution
.
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my opinion, I certainly agree with
this
 statement
according to
 the following
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reasons which are
development
Add an article
the development
a development
show examples
 of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
 and extra attention to the environment from
citizens
.
Firstly
,
bills
 of
pollution
 will help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the deployment of the
country
.
in other words
,
while
 people pay the
bills
 of
pollution
Rephrase
apply
show examples
however
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 will be able to improve
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 in terms of the economy of the
country
consequently
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 will exploit that to improve their own
country
. One clear example,
in
Add a missing verb
is in
show examples
 Yemen,
Yemeni’s
Change noun form
Yemeni
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citizens
 always pay the
bills
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
pollution
 to save
government’s
Correct article usage
the government’s
show examples
 money for
improving
Replace the word
improvement
show examples
 which leads to
improve
Change the verb form
improving
show examples
 their own
country
.
Thus
, it will be useful for their state to
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
improve faster and it will yield to them in a good way.
Secondly
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people will
get
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 more attention in terms of preserving of environment.
to
Capitalize word
To
show examples
 illustrate, if
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 force their
citizens
 to pay the
bills
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
pollution
, they will try to take more care of the environment
in
Correct word choice
and in
show examples
 addition, they will try to reduce the damage of
pollution
 to save their money.
As a result
, individuals will be careful
for
Change the preposition
with
about
of
show examples
 the
pollution
 because of the cost
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it will yield to them.
To sum up
, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
opinion,
show examples
 I totally agree with
this
 statement because of
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
in addition
extra
Change preposition
to extra
show examples
 attention from
citizens
. if the
government
 forced their
citizens
 to pay for
bills
 of
pollution
, they would provide a lot of money and it would be helpful for them.
Submitted by asomm5563 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
It is crucial to maintain a clear and logical structure throughout the essay. The content was somewhat logically structured, but transitions between ideas were not always smooth or clear. To improve, use cohesive devices effectively and ensure that paragraphs flow naturally from one to the other. Additionally, work on varying sentence structures to enhance readability.
Task Achievement
While the essay attempts to address the prompt, the development of ideas is limited, and the use of relevant and specific examples to support the points is insufficient. To improve, make sure to fully elaborate on your points and provide concrete examples to reinforce your arguments. Remember to address both sides of the argument if the question requires it, and develop a clear position throughout your response.

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