Nowadays everywhere in the world has multicultural societies, in which there is a mixture of different ethnic people. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

In the present time, numerous areas in the world have multicultural societies, which have a mixture of various ethnic individuals. I believe, that the main advantage of

that is

Linking Words

sharing different traditions and cultures, which provides an amazing mix among people.

In contrast

Linking Words

, the leading negative effect is

loss

Correct article usage

the loss

show examples

of the unique spark of the particular culture.

Firstly

Linking Words

, the positive effects,

such

Linking Words

as sharing skills or knowledge, enrich different societies.

Moreover

Linking Words

, it leads to faster growth among generations.

For instance

Linking Words

, in the early centuries, many cultures travelled to unalike areas to be more educated by using their experience, in favour of not repeating their mistakes or learning stuff to develop their own country.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, each civilization has its own unique style of living,

as well as

Linking Words

rituals.

Besides

Linking Words

, every heritage has its own norms, which might not be understood by others.

For example

Linking Words

, Asian countries really enjoy spicy cuisine,

however

Linking Words

, Europe does not have

such

Linking Words

kind of food.

To sum up

Linking Words

, there are pros and cons of

this

Linking Words

situation.

Submitted by katiakardash07 on Wed Dec 06 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay somewhat lacks a clear, logical structure. Though you address advantages and disadvantages, transitioning between ideas is abrupt, and connections between them are weak. You should use more cohesive devices to link your sentences and paragraphs together, ensuring a smoother flow of ideas throughout your essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your introduction, while serviceable, does not sufficiently highlight the complexity of the essay prompt. While you have noted advantages and disadvantages, your conclusion could be more comprehensive in summarizing and reflecting the nuances of the argument. It's crucial to have a clear introduction and a conclusion that restates your main points and offers a final thought or recommendation.

Task Achievement

You have covered the task by presenting general advantages and disadvantages, but you can improve your task response by offering a more in-depth exploration of the topic with specific, detailed examples. Additionally, demonstrate a clearer position throughout your essay, providing a consistent argument that enhances the reader's understanding of your perspective.

Task Achievement

Your essay provides general ideas but lacks detail and depth. To improve clarity and comprehensiveness, expand your main points with more developed explanations and relevant examples. This will help to thoroughly convey your arguments and meet the reader's expectations for a critical examination of the topic.

Task Achievement

While you have mentioned an example, it is not fully developed nor entirely relevant to your point about multicultural societies. Ensure that your examples are specific, relevant, and effectively elaborate on the point being made. Use these examples to illustrate your arguments and contextualize them within the topic of multicultural societies.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – advantages
Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

The main advantage is...
The disadvantage of this...
The main benefit...
Despite these advantages...
One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

172 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

8
band
Shouldn't everyone change their behaviour to help protect the environment?
In recent years, there has been a massive amount of proof about climate change presented by scientists and news media. Although some people support that it is individuals’ duty rather than the government’s to avoid further damage, I believe that both of them have the responsibility to make efforts to deal with problems.
<4
band
in some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age . is this a positive or negative development?
it is often said that in many nations around the world , there is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age .it is positive for them to get early and they will gain more opportunities for their growth.
5
band
Environmental damage is a problem in most countries. What is the cause of this damage? What should be done about this problem?
Nowadays, environmental damage is a pressing issue that affects many countries around the world. Unfortunately, politics, just as well as many scientists tend to pay attention only to a small part of the whole dilemma – the global warming. Whereas the other noticeable factors such as deforestation, air, water and soil pollution, spreading of invasive species etc. are left behind. For that reason, multiple steps must be taken in this regard. In this essay, the mentioned factors and the comprehensive solution to whole question will be represented.
6.5
band
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. You are a current student of Loren Brusque University, studying Business Administration. You want to apply for the post of Quality Assurance Manager you have recently seen on the university's notice board. Write a letter to Mr. Walker, and Give your reason for writing Tell about your education Describe your work experience and explain why you would be suitable for the job. Write at least 150 words.
I am writing to apply for the post of Quality Assurance Manager, which was advertised on the Student Affairs Office notice board on 2 September 2016. I believe that my qualifications, personal character and work experience make me a perfect candidate for this job.
5
band
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
In some societies, there is a belief that they told children that they can reach to anything in the future if they try as hard as they can for their goals. Creating hope and a reason for hard effort is the merits if this idea. However, by not achieving the goals, they may become dissapointed and hopeless as its demerits.

Nowadays everywhere in the world has multicultural societies, in which there is a mixture of different ethnic people. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

Shouldn't everyone change their behaviour to help protect the environment?

in some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age . is this a positive or negative development?

Environmental damage is a problem in most countries. What is the cause of this damage? What should be done about this problem?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?