IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays everywhere in the world has multicultural societies, in which there is a mixture of different ethnic people. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

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In the present time, numerous areas in the world have multicultural societies, which have a mixture of various ethnic individuals. I believe, that the main advantage of
that is
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 sharing different traditions and cultures, which provides an amazing mix among people.
In contrast
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, the leading negative effect is
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
show examples
 of the unique spark of the particular culture.
Firstly
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, the positive effects,
such
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 as sharing skills or knowledge, enrich different societies.
Moreover
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, it leads to faster growth among generations.
For instance
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, in the early centuries, many cultures travelled to unalike areas to be more educated by using their experience, in favour of not repeating their mistakes or learning stuff to develop their own country.
On the other hand
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, each civilization has its own unique style of living,
as well as
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 rituals.
Besides
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, every heritage has its own norms, which might not be understood by others.
For example
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, Asian countries really enjoy spicy cuisine,
however
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, Europe does not have
such
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 kind of food.
To sum up
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, there are pros and cons of
this
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 situation.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay somewhat lacks a clear, logical structure. Though you address advantages and disadvantages, transitioning between ideas is abrupt, and connections between them are weak. You should use more cohesive devices to link your sentences and paragraphs together, ensuring a smoother flow of ideas throughout your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction, while serviceable, does not sufficiently highlight the complexity of the essay prompt. While you have noted advantages and disadvantages, your conclusion could be more comprehensive in summarizing and reflecting the nuances of the argument. It's crucial to have a clear introduction and a conclusion that restates your main points and offers a final thought or recommendation.
Task Achievement
You have covered the task by presenting general advantages and disadvantages, but you can improve your task response by offering a more in-depth exploration of the topic with specific, detailed examples. Additionally, demonstrate a clearer position throughout your essay, providing a consistent argument that enhances the reader's understanding of your perspective.
Task Achievement
Your essay provides general ideas but lacks detail and depth. To improve clarity and comprehensiveness, expand your main points with more developed explanations and relevant examples. This will help to thoroughly convey your arguments and meet the reader's expectations for a critical examination of the topic.
Task Achievement
While you have mentioned an example, it is not fully developed nor entirely relevant to your point about multicultural societies. Ensure that your examples are specific, relevant, and effectively elaborate on the point being made. Use these examples to illustrate your arguments and contextualize them within the topic of multicultural societies.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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