IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people thinks that governments should increase tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to start eating healthy. Do you agree or disagree.

#people #governments #tax #food
Unhealthy
food
 could prompt negative effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 individuals,
hence
, some
people
 suggest those
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
food
 should be charged additional tax to encourage
people
eating
Change the verb form
to eat
show examples
healthy
Change the word
healthily
show examples
, I
personaly
Correct your spelling
personally
 disagree with
such
 suggestions since there are better ways to cope with
such
 issues. On the one hand, proponents believe that it is necessary to increase the tax on junk
food
 as
Correct article usage
a solutions
show examples
solutions
Fix the agreement mistake
solution
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 various problems, including obesity and diabetes. First of all, consumers are more likely to
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 healthy
food
such
 as
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
show examples
 and fruits if the
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 are similar
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
 those unhealthy
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
.
Moreover
, governments are able to make good use of those
additiona
Correct your spelling
additional
 tax income to help residents who suffer from related unwellness.
For example
, reduce the cost of treatment for
chornic
Correct your spelling
chronic
 diseases
such
 as diabetes.
on the other hand
, I have
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
 opinion regarding the solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
such
 issues, since many individuals who have unhealthy
diet
Fix the agreement mistake
diets
show examples
 are not
due to
 personal
preferance
Correct your spelling
preference
preferences
 but based on their financial condition,
therefore
, increasing the
price
 of junk
food
 will put poor
people
 into
unwanted
Add an article
an unwanted
show examples
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
. In my perspective,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 have the obligation to educate their residents about the method of having
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 diet without
spent
Change the form of the verb
spending
show examples
 a fortune.
For instance
, there are
agreculture
Correct your spelling
agriculture
agricultural
 markets
holded
Correct your spelling
held
show examples
 in Taiwan regularly, which offer healthy
food
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 affordable
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
, on top of that, it is
also
 an ideal
occation
Correct your spelling
occasion
location
 to promote the importance of being aware of the diet to maintain a healthy body. To summarise, it is inevitable that unhealthy
food
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 a few
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
downside to individuals,
however
, I could not agree with those opinions for increasing the
price
 of junk
food
 to encourage
people
eat
Add the particle
to eat
show examples
healthy
Change the adjective
healthily
show examples
, since it will put those, who
unable
Add a missing verb
are unable
show examples
 to afford expensive
food
, into
unwanted
Add an article
an unwanted
show examples
 situation.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Develop and expand on your main ideas by providing more detailed explanations and adding relevant examples. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and fully elaborates on that concept.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a more structured approach to your writing. Include a clear introduction that presents the topic and your thesis statement. Use cohesive devices effectively to link ideas and ensure a smooth flow of information. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence, and the essay should end with a concise conclusion that summarizes the main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: