IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It has been observed that nations with longer average working hours tend to have greater economic success compared to those with shorter working hours. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#nations #hours #success
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In today's world, it is often believed that
countries
 with longer working
hours
 are more economically successful than those with shorter working
hours
. In my opinion, working long
hours
 alone is not sufficient to make a country economically strong.
Therefore
, I completely disagree with
this
 argument.
This
 article will briefly outline my thoughts on the statement.
Therefore
, many
countries
 believe that increasing working
hours
 can increase productivity and creativity, thereby promoting economic development.
For example
, some
countries
 predominantly involved in manufacturing and service industries encourage their
employees
 to
work
 harder and remain at the office for extended periods of
time
 in order to accomplish more within a single day.
For example
, some Asian
countries
such
 as China have economies that rely heavily on manufacturing, which forces
employees
 to
work
 around the clock.
While
 working long
hours
 may lead to a better economy, they don't provide creativity in the long run.
This
 is not a good way to strengthen the economy.
On the other hand
, we can
also
 see that some
countries
 that do not need to fight for extra
time
 are still very successful.
Furthermore
, with the help of technology and highly qualified staff, they are able to achieve their goals by arranging their workload in a short period of
time
 to achieve their best performance.
For example
, in most European
countries
such
 as Germany, there is no need to force
employees
 to complete their
work
 outside of normal working
hours
due to
 efficient and professionally trained
employees
.
Therefore
,
countries
 with sufficient technology and advanced workers do not need more
time
 to achieve greater success. All in all,
countries
 that prefer to
work
 long
hours
 tend to be more successful.
However
, success is not solely dependent upon extended working
hours
; it
also
 relies on having access to skilled resources.
Submitted by yuqingchen10 on

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coherence cohesion
Despite the logical sequence, more could be done to improve transitions and paragraphing for enhanced clarity and flow. Consider refining topic sentences and implementing smoother transitions between ideas to create a narrative that is easier to follow. In essay writing, especially for IELTS, paragraph structure is crucial for conveying coherent arguments.
task achievement
Your response addresses the prompt, but you should aim for a more balanced discussion, considering both sides of the argument before reaching a conclusion. Make sure to fully address the extent to which you agree or disagree and provide a more exhaustive examination of the reasons behind your viewpoint.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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