IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You and your family are moving to another country for work, and you are looking to buy a house there. Write a letter to a property agent. In your letter: Introduce yourself and your family Describe the type of accommodation that you hope to find Give your preference for the location of the accommodation Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: To Whom it May Concern,

#country #work #house #property #agent #type #accommodation #hope #location #addresses #concern
Dear Sir/Madam, I am Gill and I am writing
this
 in regard
of
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to
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 buying a new home. My family has three members, my mother, father and me. We are looking for something big and affordable. Me and my father we both work from home and my mother is
housewife
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a housewife
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. I am looking for a 3 bedroom and 2 bath house in a
quite
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quiet
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neighborhood
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neighbourhood
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 and some parks nearby will make it even
more
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apply
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better.
Moreover
, I will be glad if there will be
a
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an
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 office room as well in
house
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the house
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. A double garage and a big backyard are
also
in
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on
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list
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the list
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 of my preferences. If you can find something within my budget like
this
 that will be great. If I talk about location,
countryside
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the countryside
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 area will be more preferred by me and my family. Bolton city is on top of
list
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the list
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 of my favourite cities followed by
milton
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Milton
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 and King
city
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City
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. I
will
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would
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 really appreciate
if
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it if
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 you
will
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would
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 find me something that I am looking for. I look forward to a positive response. Yours sincerely, Gill.
Submitted by gill.g24 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains a singular, well-developed idea. Some paragraphs in your letter contained multiple points that could be more effectively organized into separate paragraphs for clarity and stronger coherence.
task achievement
It is important to fully extend and support each point you make. While you did cover all the required elements of the task, adding more details and development to each point would enhance your response.
language use
Consider using a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to showcase your language skills. This will make your writing appear more sophisticated and can positively impact your score.
language use
Work on your grammar and punctuation as there were several errors in your letter. Accurate use of language is essential to achieve a higher score in this criterion.
overall comment
Overall, you need to refine your organization and development of ideas within the letter. This will help in achieving a higher band score for the coherence and cohesion criterion.

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