In some countries, government are encouraging industries and business to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages.

The industrial
area
has been expanded in cities and some say states motivate businesses to move to regional areas to develop it in the aspect of employment, facilities and economics which can make a balance between cities and villages. There would be many benefits if the company moved to a regional
area
from an urban one. Starting a new
business
in less developed areas
,
Remove the comma
apply
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creates employment among the people of that
area
which gives many benefits to them. Because of having a job in the same region, one is not required to commute from suburb to city to earn and
also
a person could live with their family and earn without leaving his or her home village.
For instance
, to have a work thousand people had moved to Mumbai city but, after the government offered low interest on loans, having a
business
in a rural
area
this
statement has created a lot of jobs which brought people back to their home village with new opportunities. Having a
business
in a rural
area
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
demands transportation facilities in terms of shipping. Because of the high truck movement, the government would develop more roads and rails to run
business
smoothly which ultimately helped the region to grow from the prospect of economics and amenities.
For example
, Surat village has become strong economically after having a
business
and amenities in the
area
. In conclusion, I would say that having a
business
in a rural
area
is advantageous as it would create more employment and help in the growth of the
suburb
Replace the word
suburban
show examples
area
which ultimately makes a balance between the metro and the rural.
Submitted by ap064911 on

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coherence and cohesion
The logical structure could be improved. Try to make the progression of ideas smoother, and consider organizing your points more clearly. For instance, dedicate separate paragraphs to benefits and drawbacks if you are weighing them.
coherence and cohesion
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coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion is clear and reiterates the main points effectively, summarizing your stance well.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and help in illustrating your points.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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