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Band 6

In some countries, government are encouraging industries and business to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages.

#countries #government #industries #business #move #areas #cities #outweigh
The industrial
area
 has been expanded in cities and some say states motivate businesses to move to regional areas to develop it in the aspect of employment, facilities and economics which can make a balance between cities and villages. There would be many benefits if the company moved to a regional
area
 from an urban one. Starting a new
business
 in less developed areas
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 creates employment among the people of that
area
 which gives many benefits to them. Because of having a job in the same region, one is not required to commute from suburb to city to earn and
also
 a person could live with their family and earn without leaving his or her home village.
For instance
, to have a work thousand people had moved to Mumbai city but, after the government offered low interest on loans, having a
business
 in a rural
area
this
 statement has created a lot of jobs which brought people back to their home village with new opportunities. Having a
business
 in a rural
area
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 demands transportation facilities in terms of shipping. Because of the high truck movement, the government would develop more roads and rails to run
business
 smoothly which ultimately helped the region to grow from the prospect of economics and amenities.
For example
, Surat village has become strong economically after having a
business
 and amenities in the
area
. In conclusion, I would say that having a
business
 in a rural
area
 is advantageous as it would create more employment and help in the growth of the
suburb
Replace the word
suburban
show examples
area
 which ultimately makes a balance between the metro and the rural.
Submitted by ap064911 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively, but there's room for improvement in clarity and coherence of ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main point and that all your points directly support your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure could be improved. Try to make the progression of ideas smoother, and consider organizing your points more clearly. For instance, dedicate separate paragraphs to benefits and drawbacks if you are weighing them.
coherence and cohesion
Watch out for small grammatical and syntactical errors, as they can disrupt the flow of your essay. Proofreading your work or using grammar-check tools can help avoid these mistakes.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion is clear and reiterates the main points effectively, summarizing your stance well.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and help in illustrating your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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