IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do vou agree or disagree with this statement?

#country #language #vou
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is an argument that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who are living in a foreign
country
Use synonyms
 face community and active
issues
Use synonyms
 from there.I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because there are many immigrants having trouble in foreign countries
due to
Linking Words
language
Use synonyms
 and cultural differences.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who are from
Asian
Correct your spelling
Asia
show examples
 and living in Western countries face
problems
Use synonyms
 with
language
Use synonyms
.Because even
asians
Change the capitalization
Asians
show examples
 speak English as a common
language
Use synonyms
 when they live in a native English speakers
country
Use synonyms
 it is not enough to communicate. The
problems
Use synonyms
 they mainly encounter is slang differences, speaking tone
different
Replace the word
differences
show examples
 and native
people
Use synonyms
 using abbreviation sometimes couldn't understand.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the key point of communication between two
people
Use synonyms
 became an issue when they misunderstood the meanings.
However
Linking Words
, it can be overcome when spending more time in those places.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there are always active
problems
Use synonyms
 in different cultures. Still, Asian immigrants have trouble with adapting to
a new cultures
Correct the article-noun agreement
a new culture
new cultures
show examples
 or following their own culture in a foreign
country
Use synonyms
.
Such
Linking Words
 as religious beliefs, foods, cultural attires and festivals.These main things are always
issues
Use synonyms
 for immigrants because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 sometimes they cannot practice their religion in certain places which will create conflicts between native
people
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 they
couldn't
Wrong verb form
can't
show examples
 find the proper food as their need is very hard. In some workplaces getting leaves for their festivals and fasting is not very easy.
Whereas
Linking Words
, living as an immigrant or foreign student is not an easy thing. To summarize,
people
Use synonyms
 who are living as an immigrant face real-life
problems
Use synonyms
 in many ways.
According to
Linking Words
 my point of view, they are facing real
issues
Use synonyms
 in communicating with native
people
Use synonyms
 and facing
problems
Use synonyms
 in following their own culture in a different
country
Use synonyms
. Even
language
Use synonyms
 can be overcome through time but religious and races related
issues
Use synonyms
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 find any solution
Submitted by me.sara22 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While you have attempted to address the task and present relevant main points, the overall development of these points is somewhat limited. It is important to expand upon your arguments with clearer, more developed examples and explanations in order to achieve a higher band score.
coherence cohesion
The essay has some organization, but it lacks clear progression in places. Paragraphs need to have clear central topics, and ideas should be sequenced logically with the use of cohesive devices to better link them together. Aim to make your main points clearer, with topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs, followed by supporting details and examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: