IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some People think that men museums should be enjoyable places to entertain Poople, while others belive that the purpose of museums is to educate. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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Nowadays,
museums
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 have become of great importance and demand
amang
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among
 government and
people
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 , and the ideas and works of
museums
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 have developed
people
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 have different views about the role and function of
museums
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. In my opinion,
museums
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 can and should be both entertaining and educational. In the first opinion, it can be argued that the main role of a museum is to entertain.
Museums
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 are tourist attractions, and their aim is to exhibit a collection of interesting objects that many
people
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 want to see. The average visitor may become bored if he or she has to read or listen
too
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to too
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 much educational
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
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, so
museums
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 often put
mere of
Rephrase
merely
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interesting
Replace the word
interest
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 and enjoyment rather than learning.
This
Linking Words
 type of
museume
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museum
museums
 is designed to be visually
speatacular
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spectacular
, and it may
hare
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have
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 interactive or even games as part of its exhibitions.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Some
people
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 argue that
museums
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 should focus on education. The aim of an exhibition should be to teach visitors something that they did not previously know.
Usually
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Usually,
show examples
this
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 means, that the history behind the museum's exhibits
need
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needs
show examples
 to be explained, and
this
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 can be done in various ways. Some
museums
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 employ professional guides to talk to their visitors,
while
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 other
museums
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 offer headsets so that the visitors can listen to detailed information
abont
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about
 the exhibition,
this
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 way,
museums
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 can play an important role in teaching
people
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 about history, cultures, science and many other aspects of life. In conclusion, it
seem
Change the verb form
seems
show examples
 to me that good
museums
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 should be able to offer an interesting, enjoyable and
Correct your spelling
educational
educationel
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educational
 experience so that that
people
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 can both have fun and learn something at the same time.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction includes a clear thesis statement that directly responds to the task, and that your conclusion effectively summarizes your discussion without introducing new information. Use a range of linking devices to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
Task Achievement
Address all parts of the task, ensuring that your opinion is clear throughout the essay. Provide a balanced discussion of both views, and support your main points with relevant, specific examples that illustrate your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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