Some People think that men museums should be enjoyable places to entertain Poople, while others belive that the purpose of museums is to educate. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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Nowadays,
museums
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have become of great importance and demand
amang
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among

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government and
people
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, and the ideas and works of
museums
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have developed
people
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have different views about the role and function of
museums
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. In my opinion,
museums
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can and should be both entertaining and educational. In the first opinion, it can be argued that the main role of a museum is to entertain.
Museums
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are tourist attractions, and their aim is to exhibit a collection of interesting objects that many
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

want to see. The average visitor may become bored if he or she has to read or listen
too
Change preposition
to too

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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much educational
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content

It seems that contents may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, so
museums
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

often put
mere of
Rephrase
merely

There may be an adverb issue here.

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interesting
Replace the word
interest

The word interesting doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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and enjoyment rather than learning.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

type of
museume
Correct your spelling
museum
museums

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is designed to be visually
speatacular
Correct your spelling
spectacular

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, and it may
hare
Correct your spelling
have

The word hare doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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interactive or even games as part of its exhibitions.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Some
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

argue that
museums
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should focus on education. The aim of an exhibition should be to teach visitors something that they did not previously know.
Usually
Add a comma
Usually,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase Usually. Consider adding a comma.

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this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

means, that the history behind the museum's exhibits
need
Change the verb form
needs

The plural verb need does not appear to agree with the singular subject history. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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to be explained, and
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

can be done in various ways. Some
museums
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employ professional guides to talk to their visitors,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

other
museums
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

offer headsets so that the visitors can listen to detailed information
abont
Correct your spelling
about

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the exhibition,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

way,
museums
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can play an important role in teaching
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

about history, cultures, science and many other aspects of life. In conclusion, it
seem
Change the verb form
seems

It appears that the subject pronoun it and the verb seem are not in agreement. Consider changing the verb.

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to me that good
museums
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should be able to offer an interesting, enjoyable and
Correct your spelling
educational

If you don’t want educationel to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

educationel
Correct your spelling
educational

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experience so that that
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can both have fun and learn something at the same time.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction includes a clear thesis statement that directly responds to the task, and that your conclusion effectively summarizes your discussion without introducing new information. Use a range of linking devices to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
Task Achievement
Address all parts of the task, ensuring that your opinion is clear throughout the essay. Provide a balanced discussion of both views, and support your main points with relevant, specific examples that illustrate your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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