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Band 4.5

Some People think that men museums should be enjoyable places to entertain Poople, while others belive that the purpose of museums is to educate. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #men #museums #places #poople #belive #purpose
Nowadays,
museums
 have become of great importance and demand
amang
Correct your spelling
among
 government and
people
 , and the ideas and works of
museums
 have developed
people
 have different views about the role and function of
museums
. In my opinion,
museums
 can and should be both entertaining and educational. In the first opinion, it can be argued that the main role of a museum is to entertain.
Museums
 are tourist attractions, and their aim is to exhibit a collection of interesting objects that many
people
 want to see. The average visitor may become bored if he or she has to read or listen
too
Change preposition
to too
show examples
 much educational
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
, so
museums
 often put
mere of
Rephrase
merely
show examples
interesting
Replace the word
interest
show examples
 and enjoyment rather than learning.
This
 type of
museume
Correct your spelling
museum
museums
 is designed to be visually
speatacular
Correct your spelling
spectacular
, and it may
hare
Correct your spelling
have
show examples
 interactive or even games as part of its exhibitions.
On the other hand
, Some
people
 argue that
museums
 should focus on education. The aim of an exhibition should be to teach visitors something that they did not previously know.
Usually
Add a comma
Usually,
show examples
this
 means, that the history behind the museum's exhibits
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be explained, and
this
 can be done in various ways. Some
museums
 employ professional guides to talk to their visitors,
while
 other
museums
 offer headsets so that the visitors can listen to detailed information
abont
Correct your spelling
about
 the exhibition,
this
 way,
museums
 can play an important role in teaching
people
 about history, cultures, science and many other aspects of life. In conclusion, it
seem
Change the verb form
seems
show examples
 to me that good
museums
 should be able to offer an interesting, enjoyable and
Correct your spelling
educational
educationel
Correct your spelling
educational
 experience so that that
people
 can both have fun and learn something at the same time.
Submitted by aljoori95 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction includes a clear thesis statement that directly responds to the task, and that your conclusion effectively summarizes your discussion without introducing new information. Use a range of linking devices to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
Task Achievement
Address all parts of the task, ensuring that your opinion is clear throughout the essay. Provide a balanced discussion of both views, and support your main points with relevant, specific examples that illustrate your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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