In nearly all science courses at university, there are significantly more male students than female students. What is the reason for this? What could be done to balance out the number?

University
education is a major determinant of career trajectories. With growing competition across various fields
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
science, the benefits of possessing a
university
degree far
surpasses
Change the verb form
surpass
show examples
its drawbacks. Despite
this
, data suggest an imbalance in the gender ratio of students attending
university
wherein, males outweigh the number of females pursuing higher studies. In
this
essay, I will highlight contributory reasons and
also
provide suggestions to correct
this
imbalance. Human beings have evolved to exist in civilisations that were
initially
based on
heirarchy
Correct your spelling
hierarchy
.
This
classification was not just based on their occupational role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society but
also
depended on the expectations from individual members at home. Historically, males have assumed the role of providers
whereas
, females have been relegated to domestic tasks.
This
continues to be reflected in the degree of patriarchy observed in 'modern' times.
This
, I suspect,
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
a major contributor to the existing disparity. In rural India,
for example
, several parents still raise their daughters with the expectation of getting them married at a young age rather than pursuing
further
education in the interest of
fulfiling
Correct your spelling
fulfilling
the woman's inherently assumed gender role. There are several solutions to address
this
issue.
While
most of these may not be practical to implement, it is worth consideration. One way to tackle
this
issue may be to organise information distribution campaigns directed at empowering girls from a young age. Another method would be to incentivise parents to send their daughters to
university
, which could be funded by the Government. The virtues of higher education and its subsequent impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society at a macroscopic level should be conveyed through all forms of media to ensure the possibility of improving the number of females enrolling in
university
.
To conclude
, the prevailing gender
disbalance
Correct your spelling
imbalance
show examples
remains a significant deterrant to modern society. Solving
this
complex matter would require
collaborative
Add an article
a collaborative
show examples
effort between campaign organisers, Governmental bodies and
Non Governmental
Add a hyphen
Non-Governmental
show examples
Organisations. With these measures, can we expect a balanced future? Only time will tell.
Submitted by vinayanand240 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a well-rounded approach to the topic but could benefit from more specific examples. While the introduction and conclusion are present and contribute to the overall coherence, the body paragraphs necessitate concrete data or case studies to support your argumentation.
task achievement
The response to the task is generally complete, though the explanations remain somewhat superficial. Enhancement could be achieved by incorporating more detailed analysis and a wider range of pertinent examples, which would assist in elucidating the broad claims made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: