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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts below give data on the spending and consumption of resources by countries of the world and how the population is distributed.

The pie charts below give data on the spending and consumption of resources by countries of the world and how the population is distributed.
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These pie charts illustrate data on resources on both expenditure and consumption worldwide. It is clear from the pie chart that the United States and the European countries are represented more than half of the
Use synonyms
world
Change noun form
world's
show examples
 consumption
by
Change preposition
apply
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about 60
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, most of the
Use synonyms
world
Change noun form
world's
show examples
 population goes to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Asia which is considered by about 57
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. The proportion for both the US and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Europe exhibit a similar population at 14
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Africa and the rest of the
world
Use synonyms
 are represented at 10% and 5%, respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the majority
spending
Change preposition
of spending
show examples
 goes
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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food
by
Change preposition
apply
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about 24%
Correct word choice
apply
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whereas
Linking Words
, the transport, housing, and clothing
are showing
Wrong verb form
show
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 the same increase pattern,
including
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Transport is represented at three times the amount of clothing at 18%,
while
Linking Words
 housing is represented at twice the proportion of clothing at 12%. Clothing itself represents 6%,
while
Linking Words
 the rest of the proportion goes to other categories, amounting to 40%.
To sum up
Linking Words
, we could say that, the lowest
world
Use synonyms
 population were for
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Africa
while
Linking Words
 the smallest number of expenditure was for buying cloth.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words world with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "data" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pie charts
  • data
  • spending habits
  • consumption
  • resources
  • population distribution
  • comparison
  • patterns
  • developed countries
  • developing countries
  • implications
  • disparities
  • environmental consequences
  • social impacts
  • sustainability
  • economic development
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