Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view. Give reasons for your answers and provide relevant example and experience you might have.

#people #women #parents #men #role #children #societies #point #answers

All of the people consider that

women

can be good parents more than

men

For

this

reason, everyone thinks that

women

are suitable to take care of their

children

the most.

However

, others agree that

men

are

also

good at parenting same as wives. In my point of view, I concur that wives are gentler to be ready to teach their kids.

However

men

have a better power to raise their

children

First,

every mother is so kind to their daughter or son.

This

is very common for all

residentials

Correct your spelling

residents

show examples

. It cannot be denied that

women

have a better sense

to look

Change preposition

of looking

show examples

after their

children

. A perfect example of

this

is mothers always prepare breakfast,

the

Correct word choice

and the

show examples

school uniform, and teach them homework.

Hence

, mothers will be the person who understands their

kids

Change noun form

kid's

kids'

show examples

need.

Secondly

, someone admits that both

women

and

men

are the same. They can be the perfect parents. Especially, fathers have an open mind and lead their kids to do the right things. To illustrate, daughters usually share their stories and secrets with their fathers. Because they might think that no one can blame them if they

Verb problem

make

show examples

something mistake.

Men

will compromise

them

Change preposition

with them

show examples

all the time.

Thus

men

have skills that can encourage their daughters. In fact, all

children

feel more comfortable when they talk to their father. In conclusion,

women

are more likely to be good parents

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

than

men

. Because they can be a consultant to their

children

such

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

study

Wrong verb form

studying

show examples

, friends,

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

food, etc. Alternatively,

men

will be a person who keeps their kids’ secrets. So, everyone will prefer sharing experiences with fathers when bad things happen to them

Submitted by anggin.anesthesya on Thu Dec 07 2023

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Introduction/Conclusion

Ensure that your introduction provides a clear thesis statement indicating your viewpoint and outlining the main ideas you will discuss. Your essay's introduction is quite general and somewhat confusing, lacking a precise thesis statement.

Logical Structure

Use clear and logical sequencing of ideas throughout your essay. Ideas should progress naturally from one to the next. This can include using linking words such as 'however', 'therefore', 'moreover', which can help with the flow and clarity of your arguments.

Supporting Ideas

Support each point with specific examples and detailed explanations. While you make several claims regarding gender and parenting, the essay lacks depth in examples and relies more on general statements. Bringing in personal experience or known facts could strengthen each point.

Task Response

Ensure your essay sufficiently addresses all parts of the task. The essay should clearly discuss all views presented in the prompt and provide a balanced view, along with your own opinion. This essay does not fully explore the perspectives mentioned, and the opinion is not clearly stated or developed.

Cohesion

Your essay should present ideas clearly and organize them cohesively. Ensure each paragraph has one main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. This essay sometimes introduces multiple points in one paragraph, which can be confusing for the reader.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

275 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

parenting
nurturing
paternal
maternal
societal expectations
gender roles
co-parenting
emotional intelligence
child-rearing
caregiver
egalitarian
stereotype
nuclear family
single parent
shared custody
bonding
child development
primary caregiver
compassionate
empathetic

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people believe that studying online is more effective than studying on campus while others disagree

television sporting show such as olympics motivate the youth who do not like to exercise much .DO YOU AGREE or disagree ? include relevant examples in your answer and provide your own opinion?

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Is this a positive or negative development?

Some people believe that it is important for children not to play video games but to spend time outdoors. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?