Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view. Give reasons for your answers and provide relevant example and experience you might have.
All of the people consider that
women
can be good parents more than men
. For
this
reason, everyone thinks that women
are suitable to take care of their children
the most. However
, others agree that men
are also
good at parenting same as wives. In my point of view, I concur that wives are gentler to be ready to teach their kids. However
, men
have a better power to raise their children
.
First,
every mother is so kind to their daughter or son. This
is very common for all residentials
. It cannot be denied that Correct your spelling
residents
women
have a better sense to look
after their Change preposition
of looking
children
. A perfect example of this
is mothers always prepare breakfast, the
school uniform, and teach them homework. Correct word choice
and the
Hence
, mothers will be the person who understands their kids
need.
Change noun form
kid's
kids'
Secondly
, someone admits that both women
and men
are the same. They can be the perfect parents. Especially, fathers have an open mind and lead their kids to do the right things. To illustrate, daughters usually share their stories and secrets with their fathers. Because they might think that no one can blame them if they do
something mistake. Verb problem
make
Men
will compromise them
all the time. Change preposition
with them
Thus
, men
have skills that can encourage their daughters. In fact, all children
feel more comfortable when they talk to their father.
In conclusion, women
are more likely to be good parents more
than Correct quantifier usage
apply
men
. Because they can be a consultant to their children
such
as,
Remove the comma
apply
study
, friends, Wrong verb form
studying
and
food, etc. Alternatively, Correct word choice
apply
men
will be a person who keeps their kids’ secrets. So, everyone will prefer sharing experiences with fathers when bad things happen to themSubmitted by anggin.anesthesya on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Introduction/Conclusion
Ensure that your introduction provides a clear thesis statement indicating your viewpoint and outlining the main ideas you will discuss. Your essay's introduction is quite general and somewhat confusing, lacking a precise thesis statement.
Logical Structure
Use clear and logical sequencing of ideas throughout your essay. Ideas should progress naturally from one to the next. This can include using linking words such as 'however', 'therefore', 'moreover', which can help with the flow and clarity of your arguments.
Supporting Ideas
Support each point with specific examples and detailed explanations. While you make several claims regarding gender and parenting, the essay lacks depth in examples and relies more on general statements. Bringing in personal experience or known facts could strengthen each point.
Task Response
Ensure your essay sufficiently addresses all parts of the task. The essay should clearly discuss all views presented in the prompt and provide a balanced view, along with your own opinion. This essay does not fully explore the perspectives mentioned, and the opinion is not clearly stated or developed.
Cohesion
Your essay should present ideas clearly and organize them cohesively. Ensure each paragraph has one main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. This essay sometimes introduces multiple points in one paragraph, which can be confusing for the reader.