IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that all popular TV entertainment programmes should aim to educate viewers about important social issues.To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#people #tv #entertainment #programmes #aim #viewers
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TV
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 entertainment
popular
Add a missing verb
is popular
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 as the agent of change for the
education
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 any body
people
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, so why should be must important aim? because to educate,
TV
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 entertainment popular have role important
education
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 for
people
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.
TV
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 is social media as a channel for very important information that the public must know,
expecialy
Correct your spelling
especially
 educate social
issues
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. Social
issues
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is
Verb problem
apply
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a matters that affect most or all members of society, either directly or indirectly, and are considered problems, controversies related to moral values, or both, so that social
issues
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 can be conveyed well to the community.
For
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example
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example,
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 social issue is bullying, everyone can experience bullying
behavior
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behaviour
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 in their environment,
this
Linking Words
 is a social issue that often occurs in society, by providing understanding and
education
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 through popular television, bullying
behavior
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behaviour
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 can be overcome, so that
people
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 can realize that bullying is not good for other
people
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. So, it is highly recommended that television programs teach how we can act or do something to help each other so that bullying no longer occurs in society, especially
children
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among children
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, both in the community and at school. In my opinion, popular
TV
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 entertainment program it is very important in educating for community on how to be aware and give information, and I agree with that, all program must be educated for that,
for example
Linking Words
 how to get good parenting.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I really agree
when
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 popular
TV
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 programs provide
education
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 to the public so that
people
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 gain experience in dealing with social
issues
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 that are developing both in the environment where they live or global social
issues
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 that are of concern to the world, so for that I think it is very important when we interact with each other. trying to be able to take care of the life around us.
Submitted by wiwinwindiahadi on

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Introduction & Conclusion
The response lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which affects the overall structure of the essay. Work on crafting a concise introductory paragraph that clearly presents your main argument and a concluding paragraph that summarizes your views and restates your position.
Logical Structure
Be sure to structure your arguments in a logical manner, ideally following a clear progression from point to point. This means presenting ideas in a sequence that makes sense to the reader and connecting your points with appropriate transition words.
Support for Main Points
Provide concrete examples and detailed explanations to support your main points. This helps to illustrate your arguments and demonstrate your understanding of the topic.
Task Response
Make sure to fully address the task by answering all parts of the prompt directly. This includes taking a clear position on the issue and providing an argument that covers all relevant aspects of the prompt. Your essay needs to maintain this focus throughout.
Clarity & Position
Provide a clear stance throughout your essay. While you have demonstrated agreement with the statement, it is important that this position is consistently supported and evidenced with relevant examples and explanations.
Grammatical Accuracy
Your use of English is hard to understand at times, and there are repeated grammatical errors that cause confusion. Study sentence structure and grammar to improve the clarity of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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