New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages ?

#technologies #children #time

With the development of technology,

Internet

Correct article usage

the Internet

show examples

became

Wrong verb form

has become

show examples

accessible to all age

group

Fix the agreement mistake

groups

show examples

Now aday

Correct your spelling

Nowadays

, offspring spend more

time

on screen

Change preposition

show examples

their free

time

than

Change preposition

in previous

show examples

years.

This

technical

revelotion

Correct your spelling

revelation

has

advantage

Fix the agreement mistake

advantages

show examples

and

disadvantage

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disadvantages

show examples

However

, I

believ

Correct your spelling

believe

that the cons

outweight

Correct your spelling

outweigh

the pros and

that is

what I will discuss in the next paragraphs. First of all, technologies affect the social

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

new

Correct article usage

the new

show examples

generation. Their communication skill

droped

Correct your spelling

dropped

due to

less

time

spent

negotiation

Replace the word

negotiating

show examples

with

other

Fix the agreement mistake

others

show examples

. previously, after school,

children

invest their free

time

in group

activity

Fix the agreement mistake

activities

show examples

like playing football, hide and seek or any other group game.

However

, now most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

children

prefer to

set

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sit

show examples

at home and

paly

Correct your spelling

play

show examples

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

video

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

insted

Correct your spelling

instead

In addition

The

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

physical activities

reduced

Add a missing verb

were reduced

show examples

due to

nature

Correct article usage

the nature

show examples

this

development. Young people spend most of their

time

sitting on a chair, which leads to

increase

Correct article usage

an increase

show examples

the

obasity

Correct your spelling

obesity

rate at a

younge

Correct your spelling

young

age.

Children

Change noun form

Children's

show examples

consumeing

Correct your spelling

consumption

of food

increase

Fix the agreement mistake

increases

show examples

and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

exercise

reduce

Wrong verb form

is reduced

show examples

. The

time

that usually kids spend playing with

friend

Fix the agreement mistake

friends

show examples

and moving

replaced

Add a missing verb

is replaced

show examples

time

on screen with limited activity. In summary,

even-though

Correct your spelling

even though

show examples

technologies made our life easier, it has more negative impacts on our

children

. The new generation became more isolated and their health deteriorated

due to

increase

Correct article usage

an increase

show examples

in weight.

Submitted by no_esem on Thu Dec 07 2023

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introduction conclusion present

Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion that summarizes your point succinctly. Your introduction could be improved to directly address the prompt and your conclusion should encapsulate your argument clearly.

logical structure

Develop a logical structure with clear paragraphs. Use cohesive devices like linking words to show the relationship between ideas. Each paragraph should focus on a single main point supported by examples or explanations.

complete response

Provide a complete response to the question, being sure to address both advantages and disadvantages as the task requires. Clear and comprehensive development of your ideas is needed with a balanced discussion of both sides even if you have a strong opinion.

relevant specific examples

Use specific examples to support your points, and make sure the examples are directly related to the topic. Use these to create more comprehensive arguments addressing the task's requirements.

coherence cohesion

Work on accuracy and variety in your sentence structure, grammar, and vocabulary. Avoid repetitive language and check for common spelling and punctuation errors to enhance the clarity of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
38Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

208 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Digital literacy
Cyberbullying
Sedentary lifestyle
Inappropriate content
Self-learning
Screen time
Social inequality
Enhanced communication
Creative expression
Educational resources

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New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages ?

Fully explain your ideas

Deforestation caused by human activity is happening in many parts of the world, with serious results for the environment. What do you think can be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences.

Some people believe that humans should be able to use animals for their own benefit, while others argue that the rights of animals should be protected. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many students find it difficult to focus or pay attention at school nowadays. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

Demand for gas and oil is increasing and so finding new sources in remote and untouched areas is a necessity. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?