New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages ?

#technologies #children #time

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With the development of technology,

Internet

Correct article usage

the Internet

show examples

became

Wrong verb form

has become

show examples

accessible to all age

group

Fix the agreement mistake

groups

show examples

Now aday

Correct your spelling

Nowadays

, offspring spend more

time

Use synonyms

on screen

Change preposition

show examples

their free

time

Use synonyms

than

Change preposition

in previous

show examples

years.

This

Linking Words

technical

revelotion

Correct your spelling

revelation

has

advantage

Fix the agreement mistake

advantages

show examples

and

disadvantage

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disadvantages

show examples

However

Linking Words

, I

believ

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believe

that the cons

outweight

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outweigh

the pros and

that is

Linking Words

what I will discuss in the next paragraphs. First of all, technologies affect the social

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

new

Correct article usage

the new

show examples

generation. Their communication skill

droped

Correct your spelling

dropped

due to

Linking Words

less

time

Use synonyms

spent

negotiation

Replace the word

negotiating

show examples

with

other

Fix the agreement mistake

others

show examples

. previously, after school,

children

Use synonyms

invest their free

time

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in group

activity

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activities

show examples

like playing football, hide and seek or any other group game.

However

Linking Words

, now most

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apply

show examples

children

Use synonyms

prefer to

set

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sit

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at home and

paly

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play

show examples

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

video

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

insted

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instead

In addition

Linking Words

The

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

physical activities

reduced

Add a missing verb

were reduced

show examples

due to

Linking Words

nature

Correct article usage

the nature

show examples

this

Linking Words

development. Young people spend most of their

time

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sitting on a chair, which leads to

increase

Correct article usage

an increase

show examples

the

obasity

Correct your spelling

obesity

rate at a

younge

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young

age.

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Children

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Children's

show examples

consumeing

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consumption

of food

increase

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increases

show examples

and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

exercise

reduce

Wrong verb form

is reduced

show examples

. The

time

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that usually kids spend playing with

friend

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friends

show examples

and moving

replaced

Add a missing verb

is replaced

show examples

time

Use synonyms

on screen with limited activity. In summary,

even-though

Correct your spelling

even though

show examples

technologies made our life easier, it has more negative impacts on our

children

Use synonyms

. The new generation became more isolated and their health deteriorated

due to

Linking Words

increase

Correct article usage

an increase

show examples

in weight.

Submitted by no_esem on Thu Dec 07 2023

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introduction conclusion present

Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion that summarizes your point succinctly. Your introduction could be improved to directly address the prompt and your conclusion should encapsulate your argument clearly.

logical structure

Develop a logical structure with clear paragraphs. Use cohesive devices like linking words to show the relationship between ideas. Each paragraph should focus on a single main point supported by examples or explanations.

complete response

Provide a complete response to the question, being sure to address both advantages and disadvantages as the task requires. Clear and comprehensive development of your ideas is needed with a balanced discussion of both sides even if you have a strong opinion.

relevant specific examples

Use specific examples to support your points, and make sure the examples are directly related to the topic. Use these to create more comprehensive arguments addressing the task's requirements.

coherence cohesion

Work on accuracy and variety in your sentence structure, grammar, and vocabulary. Avoid repetitive language and check for common spelling and punctuation errors to enhance the clarity of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
38
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

208 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Digital literacy
Cyberbullying
Sedentary lifestyle
Inappropriate content
Self-learning
Screen time
Social inequality
Enhanced communication
Creative expression
Educational resources

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New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages ?

Fully explain your ideas

A city should try to preserve its old, historic buildings rather than replacing them with modern buildings. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that people should be allowed to work only till a set retirement age. Others say that if people want to work, age should not be a barrier to them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

89.The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Young people who commit serious crimes, such as a robbery or a violent attack should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?