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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the changes in food consumption by Chinese people between 1975 and 2010.

The graph below shows the changes in food consumption by Chinese people between 1975 and 2010.
The given graph provides data regarding how many alternations of three ranges of food (
Meat
Use synonyms
,
Salt
Use synonyms
 and
Fish
Use synonyms
) were eaten by China populations over a span of 25
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
 from 1985 to 2010. At
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first glance,
it is clear that
Linking Words
Fish
Use synonyms
 was consumed by a host of Chinese people,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
 the ingestion of
Salt
Use synonyms
 gradually declined over a
25- year
Correct your spelling
25-year
 period.
Furthmore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, the quantity of
Meat
Use synonyms
 eaten shot up marginally. In 1985, nearly 600
grams
Use synonyms
 of
Fish
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
intook
Correct your spelling
in took
took
 by
Correct article usage
an awerege
show examples
awerege
Correct your spelling
average
 Chinese
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 figure was much higher rather than contrasting to
Salt
Use synonyms
 or
Meat
Use synonyms
, under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
500 and only 100
grams
Use synonyms
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
.
Inspite
Correct your spelling
In spite
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
gradual decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Fish
Use synonyms
 consumption between 1990 and 1995, its statistic
was leaped
Change to the active voice
leaped
has leaped
show examples
 substantially,
hence
Linking Words
 that reached the top (rate)
Correct your spelling
approximately
Change preposition
of approximetly
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approximetly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 895
grams
Use synonyms
 in 2010 It is
also
Linking Words
apperant
Correct your spelling
apparent
 that, the ingestion gap
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
 the
Salt
Use synonyms
 and
Meat
Use synonyms
 was reduced. The proportion of
Salt
Use synonyms
falled
Correct your spelling
fell
show examples
 to 200
grams
Use synonyms
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the period. As opposed to it, the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of eaten
Meat
Use synonyms
 obtained
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same level as
Salt
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2010.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words meat, salt, fish, grams with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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