Some people think that children who spend a lot of time reading storybooks are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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With a
thirving
Correct your spelling
thriving
awareness of
children
's development, parents nowadays have more choices for their
kids
to
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
in their childhood.
Although
some folks suggest that reading
storybooks
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
less practical for
children
to learn than cultivating
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
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other talents, I consider that the positive effects reading brings
outweighs
Wrong verb form
outweigh
show examples
the negative ones. To some people,
storybooks
are regarded as
usefullessness
Correct your spelling
uselessness
for
children
because they contain limited knowledge. Usually,
storybooks
are written with simple, easy-understanding sentences and
illustratons
Correct your spelling
illustrations
.
Thus
, some parents might think they have fewer
simutation
Correct your spelling
similarities
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
their
kids
to
develop
Replace the word
development
show examples
intelligence.
In addition
, more people decide to cultivate their
children
with other useful activities, so that they can be versatile.
For instance
, many
children
start to learn music,
such
as playing
piano
Change the article
the piano
show examples
, at
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
young age because their family members believe it
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
great activity to achieve.
However
,
storybooks
are
atcually
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actually
excellent sources for
chilren
Correct your spelling
children
to learn.
First,
it helps
kids
to organize their
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
. Using simple words to make stories doesn't mean
it's
Unnecessary verb
it
show examples
lack
Correct subject-verb agreement
lacks
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
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content;
instead
, those stories are suitable for
kids
to comprehend some thoughts and to understand some expressions.
Also
, illustrations in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
books can
simulate
Correct your spelling
stimulate
show examples
children
's imagination. What's more,
children
can learn how to organize ideas by words. A study shows that some
children
feel it difficult learning new things because they spend too much time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
electronical
Correct your spelling
electronic
devices
instead
of books.
To conclude
, every
activities
Change to a singular noun
activity
show examples
may
result
Verb problem
have
show examples
in great
influences
Fix the agreement mistake
influence
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
a child's development.
Nevetheless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
, reading
storybooks
can improve not only
expression
Correct article usage
the expression
show examples
but
also
comprehension
Correct article usage
the comprehension
show examples
of
children
.
It is clear that
reading
storybooks
is
definately
Correct your spelling
definitely
not a time-wasting stuff but a successful method to educate
kids
.
Submitted by yitsen210134 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay follows a logical structure and each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Use a variety of cohesive devices but do not overdo it.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and generally clear. However, make sure your conclusion effectively summarises your essay's main points without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Support your main ideas with relevant details and examples. Develop your arguments further for a more compelling essay.
task achievement
You've provided a clear response to the task, showing recognition of the topic's complexity. Further exploration of the nuances would enhance your argument.
task achievement
Strive to express your ideas with clarity and depth. Aim for a comprehensive argument that captures all aspects of the issue.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. Real-world examples can convincingly illustrate your arguments and make your ideas more relatable.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial
  • innovative
  • enhances
  • foundational
  • effective communication
  • fosters
  • empathy
  • diverse cultures
  • perspectives
  • vital
  • social emotional learning
  • lifelong love
  • continuous learning
  • personal development
  • excessive screen time
  • healthier alternative
  • moral values
  • ethics
  • character building
  • societal harmony
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