The three pie charts illustrate how many hours spent in a library by undergraduate and postgraduates compared to the total student population at a university in Britain.

The three pie charts illustrate how many hours spent in a library by undergraduate and postgraduates compared to the total student population at a university in Britain.
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The
tree
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three
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pie charts illustrate how many hours are read weekly by undergraduates and postgraduates compared to other
students
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in a British university library
For example
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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literally half of postgraduates don’t
spent
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spend
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time in a library per week in comparison with the undergraduates The figures were 51 per
cent
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and nine per
cent
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respectively
Linking Words
Furthermore
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Furthermore,
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only 5 per
cent
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of undergraduates read between one and five hours in a British university library ,
whereas
Linking Words
the average for
postgraduate
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postgraduates
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in another category is a hefty
fifty one
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fifty-one
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per
cent
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Meanwhile
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Meanwhile,
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for total
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students
Add a comma
students,
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the pattern appears to be slightly different
It is clear that
Linking Words
those
students
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who aren’t researching for postgraduate read a little bit
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
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either junior lecturers
of
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or
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other
students
Use synonyms
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, cent with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrate" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • undergraduate
  • postgraduate
  • time brackets
  • library usage
  • total student population
  • correlation
  • patterns
  • comparison
  • study level
  • time spent
  • academic demands
  • research intensity
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