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Band 4

Labour-saving devices such as dishwashers and communication tools such as computers are supposed to make our lives easier. However, some people argue that these devices only make them more difficult. Does modern technology reduce or increase stress?

#devices #dishwashers #communication #tools #computers #lives #people #technology #stress
In today's modern era
technology
 plays an incredible role in human life and the use of new devices is time-consuming and easily accessible which makes lives easier but some people opine that these developments in
technology
 make their lives harder. In
this
 essay, I will shed light on the useful benefits of
technology
 which help to live stress-free.
To begin
 with, there are many wonderful facets associated with the trend of using
technology
 to do things in seconds, and the main dominant reason behind
this
 is that individuals live their lives by saving some time with the help of new devices
such
 as roti maker, washing machine and
also
 mobile phone.
For instance
, people who are not experts in doing anything or do not know how to do it, can able to get information from the internet by searching on Google and
also
 watching videos on YouTube.
This
 thing saves their time and energy which they can spend doing other chores of the house.
Secondly
, people can contact and send informative messages with the help of new
technology
 tools
such
 as mobile phones. Adding to it, some individuals who might have some disabilities can
also
 access the
technology
 devices that make it so convenient for them to live in the modern era.
Submitted by preetgurichahal11 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates an attempt to maintain a logical flow, but there are issues with clarity and smooth transitions between ideas. To improve logical structure, focus on creating clear, well-ordered paragraphs, and ensure that each main point is introduced, explained, and concluded in a cohesive manner. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs can be strengthened by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to guide the reader through the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a definitive conclusion, weakening the overall integrity of the response. To score higher, ensure the essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion; each serving their respective purpose. The introduction should clearly outline the intention of the essay, while the conclusion needs to neatly summarize the main arguments and reflect on the question posed. A complete essay structure significantly impacts the clarity and perceived completeness of the writer's position.
coherence cohesion
While the essay meets the minimum requirement of presenting main points, the arguments are not fully developed or well supported. To enhance the support of main points, incorporate more detailed examples, data, or personal experience to back up claims. Use these to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic and to make the writing more persuasive.
task achievement
The response to the task is somewhat complete; however, a stronger focus on addressing both sides of the argument more equally is necessary, as the prompt asks for a discussion on whether technology reduces or increases stress. It would benefit from expanding on both viewpoints, possibly contrasting the positive impacts with potential negatives. Additionally, directly addressing the question and taking a clear stance would improve task achievement.
task achievement
Ideas presented in the essay require further clarification and expansion for a comprehensive understanding of the topic. Aim to develop each point fully with explanatory follow-up sentences that paint a clear picture of your views. The writing could benefit from more sophisticated vocabulary and complex sentence structures, which would demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency and improve the clarity of the ideas presented.
task achievement
The essay uses a limited number of relevant examples; further specific, detailed, and varied examples would better illustrate the points being made. Incorporating examples that are directly tied to the thesis will strengthen the argument, making it more convincing to the reader. Examples also help in explaining abstract ideas by providing concrete evidence, thus improving your score in this criterion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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