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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, it is increasingly more difficult to maintain the right balance between work and other aspects of one’s life, such as time with family and leisure needs. How important do you think is this balance? Why do people find it hard to achieve?

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Achieving a harmonious equilibrium between professional responsibilities and personal
life
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 has become an increasingly challenging task in contemporary society. The ability to effectively manage
work
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 commitments
while
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also
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 allocating adequate time for family and leisure pursuits is of paramount significance.
This
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 essay will delve into the considerable importance of
work
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-
life
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balance
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 and explore the underlying reasons why
individuals
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 encounter difficulties in achieving
this
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 equilibrium. Primarily, a lack of
balance
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 between
work
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 and personal
life
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 can have detrimental effects on an individual's well-being. The incessant pressures associated with an imbalanced lifestyle can lead to elevated levels of stress, which in turn may have adverse effects on both physical and mental health.
For instance
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,
individuals
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 grappling with
work
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-related stress may resort to alcohol as a coping mechanism, resulting in destructive
behaviors
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behaviours
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 that negatively impact their social interactions.
Furthermore
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, the strain of neglecting familial responsibilities can give rise to interpersonal conflicts and, in some cases, contribute to the breakdown of marital relationships. Empirical evidence suggests that a substantial proportion of divorces can be attributed to the imbalanced prioritization of
work
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 over family
life
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.
In addition
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 to individual proclivities, societal expectations and workplace dynamics play a pivotal role in impeding the achievement of
work
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-
life
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balance
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. Certain professional environments cultivate a culture that extols long working hours, equating prolonged office presence with commitment and productivity.
Consequently
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, employees often find themselves under immense pressure to prioritize their professional obligations at the expense of their personal lives.
Moreover
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, the reluctance or inability of
individuals
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 to delineate clear boundaries and advocate for their personal needs in the face of professional demands
further
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 exacerbates
this
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 challenge. Factors
such
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 as apprehension about job security and aspirations for career progression frequently compel
individuals
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 to overextend themselves in the workplace, neglecting their personal well-being in the process. In conclusion, the imbalanced allocation of time and energy between
work
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 and personal
life
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 can precipitate a myriad of physical and psychological ailments. Acknowledging the vital significance of
work
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-
life
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balance
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 and proactively implementing strategies to delineate boundaries and prioritize personal time are crucial steps toward fostering a healthier and more gratifying existence. It is imperative for
individuals
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 to cultivate a conscientious awareness of the pernicious effects of an imbalanced lifestyle and
endeavor
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endeavour
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 to recalibrate their priorities to foster holistic well-being.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear progression of ideas, with each paragraph naturally leading to the next. While your logical structure is sound, there could be improved transitions to weave the paragraphs more seamlessly together.
coherence cohesion
You have presented both an introduction and a conclusion, which is commendable. Ensure the introduction clearly outlines the upcoming discussion, and the conclusion effectively encapsulates your argument, as you have done in this essay.
coherence cohesion
While your main points are supported, strive to include more concrete examples to strengthen your arguments. Specific examples give your discussion more credibility and enable the reader to connect with your reasoning on a deeper level.
task achievement
You have responded to the task very effectively with a complete response to the prompt, developing clear and comprehensive ideas throughout. Continue to thoroughly address the question and provide a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Your ideas are clearly articulated and comprehensive, effectively conveying the importance of work-life balance and the challenges faced in achieving it. Continue to present your ideas with clarity and depth, as this demonstrates a strong command of the topic.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support the points you are making. While you've conveyed the general ideas well, examples demonstrate an ability to apply these ideas practically, adding to the persuasiveness of your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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