The internet means people do not need to travel to foreign countries to understand how others live. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is believed that
internet
makes Correct article usage
the internet
people
understand others live virtually so they do
not Verb problem
are
require
to travel. I disagree with that statement as Wrong verb form
required
people
need to feel the global culture to understand the whole context.
On the one hand, the advancement of internet
undeniably makes Correct article usage
the internet
people
's life
easier with easy access to Fix the agreement mistake
lives
information
. Users keen
to learn new knowledge from the Add a missing verb
are keen
internet
as there are many open sources information
. Change preposition
of information
For instance
, learners who want to investigate the culture of a remote area in Indonesia can browsing
Change the verb form
browse
be browsing
information
in
the Change preposition
on
internet
. It is benefited
users because Wrong verb form
benefits
internet
is easy to access and Add an article
the internet
cost
less compared to Correct subject-verb agreement
costs
do
real travelling.
Unnecessary verb
apply
On the other hand
, the most effective way to learn new
culture Correct article usage
a new
is
directly comes to the place. Many benefits can be achieved from travelling to the place where they live. Unnecessary verb
apply
Firstly
, making connections with local people
can makes
Wrong verb form
make
people
understand the way they living
Wrong verb form
live
by
direct observation as it is important to build emotional connections with them. Change preposition
through
Secondly
, learning new cultures by learning the local language, generally
Add a comma
generally,
informations
about a particular place only served in Change the wording
information
pieces of information
local
language so Add an article
the local
traveling
to the location can solve the language barrier.
In conclusion, even though the Change the spelling
travelling
internet
serves many
Replace the quantifier
much
information
and it is cost less, I believe coming to foreign countries to learn their daily habits it
is more efficient as Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
can making
connections and learn the local Wrong verb form
make
langauge
to get the full context.Correct your spelling
language
Submitted by ryanrush16 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea, followed by a logical sequence of supporting sentences. There is a tendency to present ideas abruptly without sufficient explanation or development. This creates some difficulty for readers to follow the argument's progression.
coherence cohesion
Although the main points are supported, they could benefit from more detailed examples and explanations. Expanding on the examples provided could strengthen the argument and offer a more persuasive analysis.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and serve their purpose. However, make the conclusion a more robust summary of the argument, clearly restating your position and summarizing the main points discussed in the body.
task achievement
Your response addresses the prompt effectively and presents a clear position throughout the essay. However, it could be enhanced by demonstrating a wider range of complex structures and more nuanced argumentation to fully satisfy the requirements of the task.
task achievement
The ideas presented are understandable and within the context of the topic, but aim for more depth and clarity in presenting your arguments. Developing comprehensive ideas often involves examining the different facets of the argument and offering insights that may not be immediately obvious.
task achievement
The essay contains relevant examples but they are somewhat generic. Providing specific, detailed instances or evidence strengthens the credibility of your arguments and helps illustrate your points more effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.