IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Sport is one of the most draws on television today. Some people argue that the practice of showing sport on television is to blame for the poor health of the young generation by encouraging them to watch rather than partake in physical activity. To what extent do you agree wit this view?

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People
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 are immersively entertained by the
sports
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 watching on television. Some
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 think that
new
Add an article
the new
a new

The noun phrase new generation seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
 generation is spending their valuable time
infront
Correct your spelling
in front

If you don’t want infront to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

of
TV
Add an article
the TV

The noun phrase TV seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
 rather than practicing these
sports
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and games
in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
 the ground which
detrimental
Add a missing verb
is detrimental

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

show examples
 to
thier
Correct your spelling
their

If you don’t want thier to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

health.
People
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 are immersively entertained by the
sports
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 watching on television. Some
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 think that
new
Add an article
the new
a new

The noun phrase new generation seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
 generation is spending their valuable time
infront
Correct your spelling
in front

If you don’t want infront to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

of
TV
Add an article
the TV

The noun phrase TV seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
 rather than practicing these
sports
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and games
in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
 the ground which
detrimental
Add a missing verb
is detrimental

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

show examples
 to
thier
Correct your spelling
their

If you don’t want thier to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

health.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction, body, and conclusion structure, which are essential components of a well-organized essay. Ensure that the essay begins with an introduction that paraphrases the question and states your view, has a body with distinct paragraphs for each main point, and ends with a conclusion that summarizes the essay.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, you must ensure the response fully answers all parts of the task. This means presenting a clear opinion and fully developing your arguments with explanations and examples. The provided text repeats the same point without expanding on the argument or offering specific examples or evidence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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