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Band 4

Sport is one of the most draws on television today. Some people argue that the practice of showing sport on television is to blame for the poor health of the young generation by encouraging them to watch rather than partake in physical activity. To what extent do you agree wit this view?

#sport #television #people #practice #health #generation #activity #wit
People
 are immersively entertained by the
sports
 watching on television. Some
people
 think that
new
Add an article
the new
a new
show examples
 generation is spending their valuable time
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of
TV
Add an article
the TV
show examples
 rather than practicing these
sports
 and games
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the ground which
detrimental
Add a missing verb
is detrimental
show examples
 to
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 health.
People
 are immersively entertained by the
sports
 watching on television. Some
people
 think that
new
Add an article
the new
a new
show examples
 generation is spending their valuable time
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of
TV
Add an article
the TV
show examples
 rather than practicing these
sports
 and games
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the ground which
detrimental
Add a missing verb
is detrimental
show examples
 to
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 health.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction, body, and conclusion structure, which are essential components of a well-organized essay. Ensure that the essay begins with an introduction that paraphrases the question and states your view, has a body with distinct paragraphs for each main point, and ends with a conclusion that summarizes the essay.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, you must ensure the response fully answers all parts of the task. This means presenting a clear opinion and fully developing your arguments with explanations and examples. The provided text repeats the same point without expanding on the argument or offering specific examples or evidence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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