IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The pie charts below show how teenagers in Japan and Australia spent their money in 2019.

The pie charts below show how teenagers in Japan and Australia spent their money in 2019.
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The diagrams illustrate how young people in Japan and Australia spent their budget in 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is undeniable that teenagers spend more of their
money
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 daily needs, namely food and clothes. Almost
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
 of their
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
 go
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 food
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
37 per cent,
while
Linking Words
exact
Add an article
an exact
show examples
 quarter of their consumption
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
clothes
Change preposition
on clothes
show examples
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 students want to have computer
things
Use synonyms
. Despite its
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
unnessasary
Add a comma
unnessasary,
show examples
 they spent
as well as
Linking Words
 almost
quarter
Correct article usage
a quarter
show examples
 of their
money
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, books
also
Linking Words
 have
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
attention and teenagers spend 8 per cent of their
money
Use synonyms
 as much as
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
things
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
teenagers
Change noun form
teenagers'
teenager's
show examples
 main consumptions
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 food, clothes and
computer's
Change noun form
computer
show examples
things
Use synonyms
.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 books and other
things
Use synonyms
 estimated fewer and
minority
Correct article usage
a minority
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
 went away to
this
Linking Words
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words money, things with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • spending habits
  • savings
  • electronic goods
  • physical goods
  • cultural differences
  • social media influence
  • advertising impact
  • education expenses
  • priority
  • trends
  • analysis
  • comparison
  • popularity
  • impact
  • expenses
  • categories
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