The graph shows the number of teens ( 13-17 years) and adults ( 18 years and above) who attended the cinema in Singapore between 2000 and 2010.

#teens #years #adults #cinema #singapore

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

The diagram illustrates the data of Singaporean teenagers and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

18-year-old

Correct your spelling

18-year-olds

and above who went to the

cinema

Use synonyms

over a period of 10

years

Use synonyms

Overall

Linking Words

, there are different amounts of people depending on their ages and time.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, adolescents who

watched

Wrong verb form

watch

show examples

movies in the

cinema

Use synonyms

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

higher than the grown-ups in

this

Linking Words

country. It can be seen that in 2000 and 2001 over 41,000 people from 13-17

years

Use synonyms

decreased considerably to around 25,000 compared with about 22,000 adults rose strongly to approximately 45,000.

However

Linking Words

, from 2001 the number of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

younger visiting

Remove the preposition

apply

show examples

the

cinema

Use synonyms

increased sharply and peaked at about 65,000 in 2005, and

then

Linking Words

dipped bottom 20,000 in 2008,

whereas

Linking Words

the older ones showed a rapid fluctuation. In the

last

Linking Words

years

Use synonyms

2008 – 2010 teens who attended the

cinema

Use synonyms

rose again

while

Linking Words

the 18

years

Use synonyms

plus ones continued to rise and fall. Generally, it can be concluded that in Singapore the people who visited the

cinema

Use synonyms

vary

Wrong verb form

varied

show examples

significantly in

ages

Fix the agreement mistake

age

show examples

during

Change preposition

between

show examples

2000 and 2010.

Submitted by duyuyen18 on Fri Dec 08 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words cinema, years with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.

▼

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

167 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this massage?
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.
6.5
band
Spending money on luxury items or special occasions is very expensive. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
In today’s world, many people believe that owning luxury items is a way to display their social status. However, spending money on these items or special occasions can be very costly. While buying expensive products can bring satisfaction and the thrill of owning exclusive items, there are significant downsides, including animal exploitation and the negative environmental impact of the fashion industry.
6
band
Some people believe that professional workers such as doctors and teachers should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
People hold controversial views about whether or not high-paying positions in intellectual work are worth more than the artistry professions. In this essay, I am going to elucidate both viewpoints, before explaining why I lean toward the latter.
5.5
band
Some people feel that entertainers (e.g., film stars, pop musicians or sport stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? which other types of job should be highly paid?
One of the most prevalent trends in the contemporary world is the cumulative increase in entertainment businesses, where people go and see their heroes. A portion of individuals believe that some stars are making huge amounts of money, some of them say it should be limited, but some think higher pay should be paid to the professionals. I agree money should be paid for their talents but we can not ignore scientists or doctors who contribute to society.
6.5
band
Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?
Some museums have an admission charge while some do not. In my opinion, the drawbacks of an entrance fee are eclipsed by its benefits in the sense that the income will be ploughed back into operation and development of the museums.

The graph shows the number of teens ( 13-17 years) and adults ( 18 years and above) who attended the cinema in Singapore between 2000 and 2010.

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this massage?

Spending money on luxury items or special occasions is very expensive. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that professional workers such as doctors and teachers should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g., film stars, pop musicians or sport stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? which other types of job should be highly paid?

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?